Close Your Eyes and Fall
by DesolateMoondust
Summary: This is a collection of Gail and Holly ficlets and prompts.
1. Two Birds, One Stone

[This takes place sometime after 4x08]

"Oh you've got to be kidding me."

"What?" Gail lowers the flute, no longer desiring to drink the beverage as she sweeps her eyes appreciatively over Holly's frame. This night was turning out to be a lot smoother than originally thought; especially considering how she only received the request to this book launch only this morning.

She knew inviting Holly to Frank and Noelle's wedding would come at a price, she just didn't foresee this being one of them. But here she was, coerced into being Holly's 'Plus One Forever' and standing awkwardly in the corner of the room.

The actual launch wasn't as painful as she anticipated, not when she had Holly sat beside her filling her in on her friend's book and just generally talking to her. The words weren't exactly what she was focusing on, no. It was her tone, and the way her words would accelerate with speed when she was excited or dull down when she was trying not to attract attention.

It was the comforting lilt of her voice that Gail focused on; it carried her, cradled her thoughts and whims, and made her silent. Made her listen. Made her want Holly to never stop.

"Melinda is here."

"That wench." She replies offhandedly as she blinks, forcing herself to return to Holly. She must have zoned out.

She twists back to review Holly again, seeing how she's now looking distinctly uncomfortable in her slouching position as she worries her lip. She follows her line of sight until she is met with two women standing on the other end of the room, engaging in seemingly innocuous conversation with each other.

It's only when one of them turns to pick up a nearby flute of champagne that Gail detects how Holly's eyes trail after her.

"Who's Melinda?"

"My ex."

"Oh." Many things come to mind at once for Gail as she studies this woman; this beautiful, mature looking woman with Russian Red lipstick, no doubt a Mac creation. She can tell by the way she carries herself that she's athletic, perhaps a health nut. And she can tell by the way she sips her drink in long intervals that she doesn't really like the beverage; the new edition merely acting as a means to keep her hands busy and unavailable.

She also has a pretty smile, but it's not _that_ great.

"Yeah, 5 months and counting. I didn't think she would be coming to this. But that's the downside of having mutual friends; increased chances of running into each other."

"Which friends are we talking exactly?"

"Lisa and Rachel, I've told you about them; that's actually Lisa with her now." She appraises the other woman, noting the way she gestures with her hands towards her breasts and then laughs.

Gail can't help but scowl at this for some reason.

"Yeah, Lisa sounds like a _hoot_." She raises the glass to her lips, feeling the need to hydrate as she gulps down a few mouthfuls. It's actually really nice. Expensive. The best kind of alcohol to have at an opening like this.

Especially when Gail Peck is present; she's nothing if not opulent with her tastes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well she doesn't scream friend material, let alone best friend status when she sounds so inferior to you." It wasn't hard to detect Lisa's apparent discontent at Holly's excellence. It's no secret that Holly is a mastermind: she's a gifted Scientist and performs exceptionally well on the job. She works hard and always puts the effort in, and even does research in her own time and publishes articles.

Not to mention how she's also funny, gorgeous and earnest.

Any person with a semblance of humanity would accept Holly and be happy for her, but no, not Lisa. This woman, from the snippets Holly has so gracefully provided, sounded vile. Full of herself. Self-centered. And just a damn right disgusting human being.

Maybe she's exaggerating just a little, but everytime Holly spoke of her, it was as if she was losing a part of herself. Lisa chipped at her; she took edges from her a bit at a time. And even though she was still shining bright, there were notable flickers that would surround her from time to time, casting tiny shadows over her luster.

And that was unacceptable.

"Inferior? No, she-"

"-is Satan reincarnated. _Okay_, that was gratuitous." She amends while her eyes momentarily take in Holly's stumped appearance, swirling the remnants of the alcohol in her glass. She tries to think of a suitable word, and quickly latches onto one:

"She's an Orc." She downs the champagne and discards the flute, her eyes already looking to find another, waiting for the inevitable backlash.

"_Gail_."

"What? You can't _not_ know this, Holly? She's a bitch."

"She can be can be headstrong at times, but.."

"Headstrong? Holly, she constantly berates you and you keep her around because what? You've known each other a while?"

"Since College: I'd say that's longer than a while; it's certainly longer than I've known you." She tries not to feel affronted; to hide the wince as she covers it with the turn of the head, but she knows - she can feel Holly's eyes pierce her skin.

She doesn't wait for placates then, no. Instead she looks back to Holly, her face no longer exhibiting the tell-tale signs of being compromised, but rather displaying an impartial countenance.

"Yeah, and look who you invited tonight."

"Gail, I-"

"Holly, hi. It's wonderful to see you." Gail can't help the glare as she turns to (un)welcome the new additions over in their corner. They all gauge each other then, noting the sudden population as they stand as a foursome. It's double the aggro for Gail, for she doesn't know where to look. She doesn't particularly want to look at Melinda - no, not with that body and that dress and that smile.

But she doesn't exactly want to look at Orc, either.

So she settles for looking at the one person who matters.

"Good for you; I only wish I could return the sentiment." Gail can't help the tiny smirk that breaks out, corrupting her lips effortlessly as she dares to peer at Melinda from her hooded lids. A feisty Holly is one she seldom gets to see, at least in this manner, so when she does it's kind of exciting.

It's definitely exciting.

"Now Holly, don't be this way."

"And which way would that be, Melinda? Treating you with the same insolence you offered me? It's only right."

"Please, let's not make a scene. I'm here for Ruth; this is an important event for her."

"No kidding." Gail watches Holly expel some air, observing the way her features contort in the mild, fluorescent light. There's always something so captivating about Holly when she looks intense, it's almost primal. It's enchanting to witness because she can never really get enough.

She's drawn from her concentration when she hears an obnoxious sound emitting from Orc's mouth. Once the contrived cough ceases, Lisa dares to smile suggestively at Gail.

"Seeing as these two are busy getting reacquainted, I should introduce myself: I'm Lisa." She says it like they are the only two people in the room; like Holly is _actually_ reconnecting with Melinda, when really they're not. The reality is they are watching on rather helplessly, wanting to just leave, preferably with the people they arrived with.

"I know who you are." The instant jab causes Lisa to frown slightly and to dart her eyes at Holly.

"What did you tell her about me?" Holly doesn't get the chance to answer, even though her mouth slackens, ready to respond.

"She's told me enough."

"Seriously, who is she?"

"Lisa, this is Gail."

"Ah, finally a face to a name." Her response irks Gail; it pisses her off immediately. Because she's looking at this Orc and all she can see is malevolence: Lisa and her patronizing smile, Lisa and her patronizing words, Lisa and her patronizing eyes. She doesn't care for it.

No.

Lisa and her patronizing ass can do one.

"So this is the mysterious blonde bombshell you kept blowing us off for? She's actually real, who knew." Gail's brows lift at this; her eyes straying to Holly to behold her cheeks turning faintly crimson. She watches then, waiting for one of her idiosyncrasies to kick in; to subconsciously take over and override her senses.

It doesn't take long until Holly's hand darts up to her face to correct her glasses - but she's not wearing any. Gail notices the recognition in her eyes upon realizing she's wearing contacts and observes as her lips tighten to form a fixed line.

She feels like she's forever in a state of examining this woman, and the thing that startles Gail is that she doesn't mind.

In-fact she quite likes doing it.

"Well, at least you have good taste." It's such a shallow and misogynistic thing to say, that Gail forces her mouth shut to consciously stop the tirade of words from flowing. It's only a second later that she truly connects everything that Orc has said, and she finds her eyes pursuing Holly once again, feeling second-hand discomfort at seeing Holly so discomfited.

Enough is enough.

"No, I-"

"It's okay." Holly looks at Gail then, trying to locate the logic in her azure spheres when she feels the palm of Gail's hand trail up her side. It's not an aimless gesture that she's been receptive to from time to time. No, this is calculated. This has presence.

This has intent, especially when her hand comes to rest affably on her hip to grip tightly.

"I _have_ been taking up a lot of your time lately; I just can't seem to help myself, I can't keep my hands off of you." Gail leans in to her then, seemingly agile in her approach as she nuzzles her nose against her cheek. It takes a lot of willpower to not close her eyes, to not exhale profoundly with delight.

To not turn and do something about it.

Yet she can't fight the small whimper of surprise when she feels Gail's lips brush against her cheek.

"I should go. I'm uh.. I'm glad you've moved on. Hopefully the next time we see each other, things won't be so awkward." Melinda proffers softly, forcing a smile to both Holly and Gail before twisting on her heels and leaving. Lisa watches her go, before deciding on following in her footsteps:

"Well Gail, meeting you was.. Interesting. Holly, I'll speak to you later?" It's only as she disappears in the crowd that Holly responds, moving out of Gail's grasp with eyes scrutinizing her.

"What was that?"

"I think it was self-explanatory." When Holly volunteers nothing, Gail huffs and snatches a nearby flute.

"That was me saving your ass."

"Saving? I don't even.. What just happened?" Gail takes her time sipping from the flute, her eyes cast down though she's secretly peering at Holly in her peripheral vision.

She can't remember the last time she wasn't at least looking at her in some way.

When she can feel Holly's eyes penetrating her form, she breathes through her nose and places the glass down to the side. She looks around the crowd, noticing how it's dispersing now with people looking ready to leave soon.

"I could see that you were drowning." She risks a glance at Holly, and sees her confusion; the tilt of her head just reinforces this fact. How can she explain this to her without it being incredibly indelicate?

There's just no way around it.

"It's one thing having your ex around, but Orc? I could see the way she was treating you, Hols. You deserve better than that."

"So you decided to what? Act like you're my girlfriend?"

"Why not? Clearly I'm just eye candy to her and she didn't think you could have me, so I proved her wrong."

"I'm still not processing this at all."

"Four words: Two birds, one stone. Oh, and Holly?"

"Yeah?" Gail leans in close, watching as Holly's eyes immediately close. This action? It does something to her. It makes her take a moment to appraise her, for she's always been so ready in her observation to see Holly with her eyes wide open.

That she daren't imagine what a sight she'd be with her eyes drawn shut.

Her eyes trace over her face before she decides to join her in this sweet interlude, closing her lids under the weight of feeling, in promise of experience.

She closes the remaining distance and kisses her cheek softly. She lingers for a moment before pulling back, smiling diffidently.

"You smell nice."


	2. Playset

[This takes place sometime after 5x01]

"Gail, are we really going to do this?"

Holly knew these moments would come in some way, shape, or form. How could they not? Gail was a complex creature; a kaleidoscope of impressions that never ceased to amaze her. And so she welcomed them – anticipated them even as she embarked on this journey with her girlfriend – for they no longer came as a surprise to her.

But this? This was not expected.

"Yeah."

She watches Gail saunter into the lounge, making haste to drop the bag down onto the couch and move the coffee table out of the way. When she received her text message about wanting to come over to do this, Holly's response was to merely gawk at her phone, for she could hardly believe the words on display.

Not ten minutes later and here she was. Bag in toll.

And now Gail's sitting on the floor, her eyes bright as she looks up to her. Holly thinks it rather adorable until she grabs the bag and spreads her legs out, making sure to place the carrier in-between them.

"Come on, Lunchbox."

Holly impulsively licks her lips, taking note of her adroit fingers as she removes the box from the bag. She blindly discards the carrier behind her, not once relinquishing eye contact as she runs her hand up and down the box.

"Let's make ice cream."

She apprehends what her girlfriend is doing, it's an accumulation of her exploits that finally causes Holly to; like Gail's suggestive tenor and the way she coyly looks down to peer at the object before looking back up to smile at her. It's in the way she arches her brow, unsure as to whether her words of encouragement were enticing enough. It's in the way she is sat there, her eyes entreating her that prompts Holly to laugh.

And boy, does she laugh.

"You're insane, you know that right?" With the shake of the head she submits to Gail's peculiar whim, and takes a begrudged step forward to sit opposite her girlfriend. As she adjusts her position on the floor she watches Gail's tiny smile morph into a grin.

"Where did you even get this from?" Her eyes stray to the item in question, her eyes quick to register the colors on the box as she braces herself for what's to come. It's not that she doesn't want to; it's just she _really_ doesn't want to. It reminds her of when she was young; puerile and subject to life's binding naivety. And she has no real desire to revisit that state of being.

On reflection it wasn't so much the act that traumatized her, but rather the aftermath.

"Does it matter?" Gail mutters tearing open the box, her mind already invested as she pulls out all the necessary tools they will need to get started. Holly leans back on her hands as she appraises Gail, briefly forgetting the situation to appreciate beholding Gail in this manner; giddy with excitement, with azure eyes glimmering.

She's never looked so enchanting to Holly than in this moment; but she could easily say that for all the instances prior to this one, and to all that have yet to come.

She can hardly wait.

"It does if you stole it."

"I _bought_ it, okay? With my own money." She works to suppress the smile that's eager to claim her lips. She really wants to laugh at Gail's petulant response but she refrains, her eyes still absorbing the profile of her excited girlfriend as she sets about reading the instructions.

"But why?" She watches Gail shrug sheepishly, refusing to meet her eye as she goes about opening some colorful containers instead.

"I don't know; it looks like fun?" It's the smell that attacks her senses first, her nostrils unprepared for the onslaught as she heaves, overcome by the stale aroma. Next her eyes take in the familiar sight before her, noting its pliable texture that instantly makes her shudder. Out of reflex she turns her head away, her nose flaring as she looks decisively to the oak table across from them. She wishes she was sitting there instead; with her laptop, at a safe distance away from this right now.

But alas, she was not.

"I'm not sure."

"Why are you being weird? It's not like you haven't played with this stuff before."

"How would you know, Peck? Maybe I haven't?" Holly twists her head back, adamant to look directly at the blonde, and not to the ghastly assortment of gizmos taking up space in her peripheral vision.

"Really? What kind of deprived existence did you have growing up, Doctor Stewart?" She sighs lightly, giving up the fight as she leans forward, bringing her arms in front of her to rest in her lap. Her fingers fidget aimlessly in her grasp as she takes in her girlfriend's curious mien.

"Okay, I have. But I should warn you, I've had a bad experience with that stuff. " She can tell that Gail is working hard, she really is. She's working hard to ignore her basic instincts. She's working hard to keep her lips sealed. She's working hard to figure it out in her head while she studies Holly; her inquisitive eyes widening ever so slightly in pursuit of unearthing Holly's truths - and all the while _without_ resorting to her traditional conduct.

For this she's thankful.

For this, she knows that Gail respects her.

Gail worries her lip momentarily before deciding to put the container back into the box along with the rest of the items. It makes Holly feel a little bad as she watches her push the box out of the way.

"Holly, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, you really wanted to do this and I.. Well, I like seeing you happy."

"You make me happy. This– we don't need to do this."

"But look at you. You haven't stopped smiling since you got here. And it's ridiculous, it really is. I mean, how could you know? This stuff doesn't happen. It was just a stupid accident."

"What happened?" Her soft tone consoles her, wraps her up. How can it not? She loves it when Gail chooses to address her in this way, speaking so tenderly. And she appreciates how she's doing this now.

It makes Holly adore her that much more.

"I should have known better at that age, you know? I was playing around with everything in my brother's room - he was two, I was seven. And I remember wanting to make him laugh; I really wanted to see him laugh. He'd been crying a lot that day, and mom was stressed and dad was at work so I wanted to help out."

Holly looks to the Play-Doh Perfect Twist Ice Cream Playset – this innocuous set that Gail wanted to play with today – and it just makes her melancholy. Her tongue swipes her lips quickly as she directs her gaze back to Gail, noting the serene expression eclipsing her face.

Even though she's feeling embarrassed, she knows she can trust Gail: that no matter what happens she can be honest with her.

She's always found it troubling to find people that care, to locate certain individuals to break the skin and settle there. Only a handful of people have managed; only a few she permits to see her in all her chaos.

And Gail is one of them.

Gail is the only one that truly counts.

"Dad got Play-Doh Mop Top Hair Shop for his birthday. Mom was against it because of his age but Wayne really loved it; wouldn't stop playing with it, actually. And that day was no different. I took him out of his crib and sat down with him to play and somehow I ended up rolling some Play-Doh into a ball and just.. sticking it in my nose."

"Oh my god."

"It was silly. I remember thinking it was stupid but Wayne kind of stopped fussing, so I rolled another ball and put it in my other nostril. He was laughing at this point because it was ludicrous. And then one of them fell and I tried to suction it back but it just ended up making the other.."

She lets it hang there as she watches Gail comprehend what she is trying to say.

"You inhaled Play-Doh?"

The real test is now, Holly realizes. For she has previously admired Gail's efforts to behave neutrally, to limit her senses in order to make Holly feel comfortable enough to open up to her, but now, now the challenge is on. Now she knows.

And now she will bear witness to Gail's struggle; chronicling her reaction to this material. She immediately discerns the strain of her mouth, noting the way her lips endeavor to curl into a knowing smile. It lingers there, ghosting her features as she looks back at Holly.

And those eyes.

She can detect the mirth present in those blue orbs, and yet she refrains. She fights it, attempts to shroud the laughter that's so close to erupting she can practically hear it.

"Look, it wasn't my cleverest hour, okay? I ended up having to go to hospital because my mom couldn't get it out and she was worried about my airways being compromised. She was stressed to the eyeballs trying to calm Wayne down, and here I was lying on a hospital bed with doctors thrusting my head back and trying to get it out. It was a really disturbing experience for me."

"Hol, I never meant-"

"Nothing they did seemed to work: the tweezers, blowing my nose. I was there for _hours_ because my mom refused to leave; she was paranoid the Play-Doh would somehow turn out to be toxic, until.."

"Until, what?"

"Until I sneezed."

She can see Gail exhale softly, and for a split second she believes that this is it - she _will_ succumb to her nature. She will laugh. She will tease. She will find her foolish.

And yet all Holly can see are earnest blues eyes softening under her inspection as she opens her arms out in front of her.

"Babe."

"It was gross, Gail." She watches as Gail lowers her arms, her eyes not once leaving her while she gets onto her knees and shuffles forward. Once she's in front of her, she forces Holly to rise onto her own kneecaps so she can encircle her arms around her.

"I know."

"Really gross." She welcomes Gail's presence to soothe her, grateful for the lull as she feel hands run up and down her back tentatively. It's everything she could need in this moment.

She just allows herself to be swept away by it, and lowers her head into the crook of Gail's neck. She breathes with her, moving her nose tactfully over the skin she finds there, wanting nothing more than to simply immerse in her.

That is until she feels the faint reverberations of her lover's shaking in her arms.

"Oh no, no you don't!" She pulls away then, refusing to hold onto Gail a second longer as she moves back. Gail merely holds her hands up, conceding.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's _not_ funny."

"No, it's not." She knows she's being silly, she knows that she's being a grouch. She _knows_ it. So when Gail lifts her hand to rest self-consciously on her cheek, she doesn't oppose. She even nestles into her palm, craving her touch while Gail looks on gently.

"I'm sorry." Gail shakes her head at this admission, sucking a breath in through parted lips.

"Don't be silly, I'm the one who should apologize." Her thumb traces her cheek carefully, before her eyes wander to the abandoned playset.

"Looks like I'm returning it back to Leo." Gail's eyes shoot back to Holly when she feels her hand rest over hers, ceasing the movement on her cheek.

"You told me you bought it."


	3. Take a Breath

[This takes place sometime after 5x11]

This was never supposed to happen.

This was never part of the plan.

They had gone over it meticulously, going into great detail until the information proved to be nothing more than mere words on a page because they knew what they were supposed to be doing by heart.

It was second nature to them, this way of being.

And it took Gail a while to understand that although it was second nature, it wasn't entirely first – and so as she crouched down in the corridor of the hospital, she found that her primary state was one to be reckoned with.

It came out of nowhere, this ache. Consuming her to depths she never could have fathom, swallowing every inch of her body to weigh her down; carry her until nothing remained but this continual throb inside of her chest.

This was never supposed to happen.

This was never part of the plan.

And yet here she was, and there he was, and there..

She hears the footsteps and just knows that it's her even when her silence contradicts this truth. She half expects her to say something, to roll with her insufferable disposition and blather on about cute puppies or another but instead the footsteps stop.

And she sees her boots. She can't quite bring herself to look up but they're pointed at her, she's there– she's waiting, but all Gail can do is look wearily over the footwear. They seem bigger somehow, harder. Rough.

She can sense Chris moving, quiet in his approach as he gingerly makes his way over to them.

And then it happens.

This she does expect. This, she does look up for as she gazes at Chloe, who is bellowing out a call that can only mean one thing in a hospital corridor. And she doesn't last a second before she has to look away, suddenly overcome by the force of failure being thrust down her throat once again.

It's unbearable.

She can discern Chloe pushing Chris away to continue her harrowing, unintelligible scream. Its drawing attention but none of them care, not really. Gail just looks back down to Chloe's boots, finding quiet solace in how they now skid across the floor with the way Chloe paces on the spot, unable to control herself.

She's crumbling, her voice cracking under the solemn howl, and there's nothing that can be done.

It's then that Chloe forces herself upon Gail, pulling her up with unforeseeable strength while she looks her in the eye – as much as she humanly can in her sentient state – and shakes her head earnestly.

"He's _your_ partner. He's.. You should have– why didn't you, Gail? He's…"

"I.." She doesn't take her eyes off of her even when Chris tries once again to soothe her ills; she's relentless, choosing instead to push Gail up against the wall, gripping tightly to her jacket while she shoves her hard.

"You should have been stabbed, not Dov. He's one of the kindest men on this planet, and instead he saves your life." It registers then, striking her familiar with a certain loss that eclipses her; she has felt this way before. And as she stares into Chloe's forlorn eyes waging battles that surely will sink ships, Gail only sees Barber.

The way he fought. The way he tried. The way he dropped. The way he bled.

She slumps against the wall, physically drained as Chloe finally lets her go. She takes a step back but maintains her proximity, glaring at Gail who continues to deflate visibly in front of her.

"You better hope he survives, Gail. Or I swear.. I _swear_."

It breaks her then as she finds herself sliding down the wall, the darkness encompassing her light while she descends to a mess on the ground. She pulls her limbs to her chest, holding everything close while she dips her head down, sheltering herself as she clamps her eyes shut.

She feels sick. She feels shame. She feels unworthy.

She feels the same loss ebbing its way into her chest to create more room for her, just like the space that Jerry occupies.

"Gail, hey. He'll be alright. Chloe, she's– she's upset. She didn't mean what she said." She doesn't hear him, doesn't feel him – just remains there in her own world, trying to process the ache pressing into her gut. She hurts all over.

And suddenly it's like everything changes for Gail, but not in a good way.

She had made strides; she had made herself better – for herself, for those around her, but most importantly for Sophie. And although the adoption process was long and exhaustive, she felt good about it. She felt ready, even though her heart could not deny the bangs of melancholy when she thought of Holly in San Francisco.

A mutual decision to end it but neither wanted to, really.

But she had been okay. And they had remained in contact through the months, trying to remain in each others lives in any which way they can. And it was working, or at least they were trying.

And now, now all her rights; all her tries and attempts were for nothing. She felt herself drawn into this pit of woe, this tiresome black that was unremitting. And it hurt. It hurt her bones, it hurt her head and it hurt her heart. Because she was so damn sure that everything was going to be okay – that life really was evolving for Gail, and actually working for her.

When really it was still working against her.

She should have known, should have realised that life rarely was good, at least to her. But she wanted to believe, to have something to cherish and love and to feel okay with in this world.

Now she questioned whether she would be able to keep Sophie unscathed afterall, seeing as she couldn't keep her partner safe. Dov; the geeky, lovable guy who deserved no wrongdoing: no hate, no pain. The Police Officer that was now fighting for his life on an operating table because he chose to protect his partner - an act she failed to execute.

She knows without a doubt that this is her fault, and that is enough to keep her rooted to the spot for seconds; minutes, hours – just accepting the throes and punches directed her way. She doesn't have to look up to know that others are here now, listening to them as they pace about; mumbling and offering silent prayers. She knew they would come.

But she's not aware of Traci when she slides down next to her and touches her shoulder.

Nor does she pick up on Steve kneeling down in front of her, watching her sadly as she remains perfectly still in this ball she has fixed for herself.

Time just passes them by as they progressively populate the hallway.

It's only when the collective sound of footsteps and mumbling arises that Gail finally lifts her head, looking straight to the doctor who is fast becoming swarmed by Officers eager to know what's going on.

She holds her breath.

She waits.

This was never supposed to happen.

This was never part of the plan.

She finally feels Traci's hand on her shoulder squeezing as she watches on, trying to discern the outcome from the look on Chloe's face. She barely notices Steve nearby heading for them with cups of coffee when she beholds Chloe and the way she recoils before tearing up.

Just like that, Gail's world disintegrates once again.

And she's not sure whether she can pick herself up this time.

"Oh thank God, that's great news. Thanks doc!" Chris exclaims loudly as he seeks out Gail from across the corridor. He bounds over to her, wearing a relieved smile.

"You hear that, Gail? He's gonna be alright. He's in the ICU, but he's gonna be alright."

"I just.. I need a minute." She stands up, shaking away the support of those around her as she bypasses Steve who's holding the hot beverages.

"Gail!"

* * *

><p><em>This was never supposed to happen.<em>

_This was never part of the plan_.

Yet with tailing suspects there was always a slight chance of something going wrong, or at least her subconscious was trying to tell her that as she made her way outside of the hospital. She inhales sharply, trying to get the oxygen into her system as she collapses against the brick wall beside her.

She clings to it with her palms stretched across it.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Just breathe.

He's going to be okay.

But the voices are already here; voices consisting of Perik, and Barber, and her _mother_. Voices that are even her own.

She opens her eyes to look out into the nightsky; barely realising that she must have been at the hospital all day for the sun has already set from the sky. It's dark, and it feels good, it feels right.

To be out here, to be in the bitter air.

It's like she can almost feel human again.

"Gail?" It takes her a moment to register the voice through the haze but once she does she turns around in disbelief, doubting her nous for she cannot quite believe that it could really belong to the one person who is no longer here.

Yet she is.

And she's making her way over to her, rapidly.

"Hey, I came as soon as I could." It's like a déjà vu moment; for she swears she's heard those words before.

"Wha– what are you doing here, Holly?"

"I was performing an autopsy when I heard.. and I tried to continue, you know? I really tried to carry on, but I couldn't make the incision even though I can do the procedure in my sleep. The scalpel just wouldn't stop shaking in my hand and I knew, I.. I had to come back; I needed to see you were alright. And I'm sorry it took me so long, but it was a last minute booking-"

"Holly."

"And then I couldn't find a rental car because so many people were purchasing them and they were all sold out, which is stupid, so I had to-"

"Hol."

"Get a cab, which turned out to be a mistake halfway through because I didn't bring enough money with me, so I had to stop off at-"

"Holly!"

"I _had_ to come. I had to see you were okay."

"You traveled all of this way to see whether I was okay." She doesn't need to question, but she needs to say it out loud as if to cement this fact; this beautiful, tangible truth standing in front of her. She watches Holly's head tilt at an angle, always endeavoring to see more; to understand, to place herself in a visible position.

She's brave like that. Smart.

Gail wishes she could harness only a small percentage of her strength as it would assuredly be enough to see her through her darkest hour.

"Yeah, it wasn't exactly a five minute trip." Holly confesses wistfully while her eyes eagerly roam the Officer's body; checking, confirming, and checking once again. She takes a step closer to Gail, her hand flitting through her tresses nervously as she inspects her once more, this time focusing on her eyes.

"I tried calling, and even though I knew you were safe, I just.. I needed to see it for myself, you know? I _need_ to see it for myself." Gail watches Holly examine her face, trailing her eyes over all her features. If this were anyone else Gail would immediately take umbrage, especially considering the condition she's in right now.

But she doesn't. She just allows it to happen; she permits Holly to see her in all her ruin.

"Well you have eyes, what do you see?" The snark doesn't penetrate Holly; it doesn't even touch her at all as she appraises the woman before her. She can't stop.

"Your hair for one; it's beautiful, Gail." Gail receives her words wholly, and it rids her of the air she's currently breathing. She expels it heavily as her back collides with the wall, leaning against it for support.

She really has missed this woman so much.

"But most importantly, I see the woman I love."

"Holly.." She implores her, for what she's not even sure but she does, because uttering her name has never felt so divine; has never felt more like a prayer and answer in the same breath.

Calling her name has never felt more at home on her tongue than any other word in existence.

She watches Holly take a tentative step toward her, and it's like the first time she's allowed herself to just look at her. To truly take her in under the soft florescent light that just so happens to have the habit of flickering under the exertion of keeping the outdoor premise illuminated.

It doesn't alter a thing, though.

She still looks stunning as ever. She can hardly believe that she hasn't seen her for months now, it's like she never left at all.

"She's alive, and she's here. And I know it doesn't change anything, but it means everything."

But she did leave, and it reins her thoughts in; those wild, desperate wants that desire to escape and cause havoc over her senses. To just lose herself in this woman again like all those times before.

But she can't, she won't.

"For now." She verbalizes strongly, trying to believe it herself; trying to ascertain how this is merely a break from the new routine that has become her life since her departure. Holly must sense her contemplation because she's stopped moving, her body erect with nerves while she peers at Gail.

"For now, and long after. You're very hard to get over, Gail; living in San Francisco doesn't change that." She nods at this and closes her eyes, her teeth quick to worry her bottom lip, gnawing incessantly as she lets her head rest against the building.

"How's Officer Epstein?" She exhales belligerently through her nose at the query; her lips curling just a bit, on the verge of scowling as she opens her eyes to consider Holly once again.

"No better thanks to me." She identifies Holly's resistance straightaway; her face screwing incredulously with the slight shake of her head. Upon witnessing it she can feel her body pulse under the weight of her gaze, and this time not favorably.

"Gail, this isn't your fault." She says it so fluently that it immediately takes Gail by surprise, for she has never seen Holly react passionately in her conviction before. It's so staggering that for a moment she merely accepts her words for face value.

Overcome by the sheer force of her confidence.

That is until she decides to question it; to process the words before concluding they hold no credence.

They're inaccurate.

But she believed it for a whole second there. Almost.

"Yes, it is. There were two of us on stakeout, and one of us ended up in hospital. That falls on me."

"You couldn't have seen this coming. You were doing your job-" Her body thrusts forward then, unable to prevent the vehemence from taking over as she pushes away from the wall to scrutinize Holly's form in front of her.

"If I were doing my job then Dov wouldn't be here, he wouldn't be lying in that hospital bed right now. I should have gotten out of the van first; _I _should have run after the perp _first_. I should have-"

"You were both appointed this role, Gail. You were under the same commands, and you went after the same guy when things went wrong: the order you were in _doesn't_ _matter_, you were in this together; you were right there with him." It quietens down the thoughts in her head, calming them until they're barely active at all. It's like Holly's her rationale, providing her with logic to assuage all the blows she has been dealt with today – by Chloe as well as herself.

She doesn't have long to ponder on this though, for Holly looks pissed. Actually, legitimately pissed.

"So don't you dare assign blame, this is _not_ on you."

"Gail– oh. Holly, hey. Didn't know you were back?" She turns to look at her brother near the doorway, his eyes – though perceptibly tired – clearly overcome with wonder, no doubt at Holly's expense.

"I'm not, I'm.." It hangs there, and it's rather deafening in the middle of the night, and so Steve decides to clear his throat, his fingers frivolously tapping the frame of the sliding doors.

"Well, Chloe wants to see you, Sis." Gail nods her head just the once, which Steve takes for an answer before heading back inside. She turns to Holly once he's gone, her eyes wavering hesitantly over her frame.

"Will you..?"

"Yeah, I'll be here. Well, not _here_ here but inside.. You know; the waiting room." Her eyes flit briefly to Holly's lips, yearning however small to just remove the distance and strike them with her own. It used to be one of her favorite things to do when Holly would just so happen to start babbling on about something or another.

Those were the good days; days long since passed. With a jolt, she looks back to Holly, drawing in a breath through parted lips before she answers:

"Okay."

* * *

><p>It doesn't take her long to track Chloe down, not when she's in Dov's room clutching his hand in her own. Chris, Traci and Andy are there, and she expects nothing less but she's surprised to see them still here considering that their presence would be needed at work.<p>

Traci must sense her internal dispute because she's walking on over to her, her voice soft in response:

"We swapped a few shifts around. He's still pretty much out of it, but doctors said he's doing well under the circumstances."

"Gail." She looks to Chloe then, who is standing up now and heading towards her. Traci gives her a look before retreating back into the room, her lips offering a supportive smile before Chloe reaches her.

"We need to talk."

"Chloe, we-"

"Talk, now." She watches Chloe walk out of the room; her head rotating before it naturally turns back to the front of her body. She can see Chris from the window, his wonted puppy dog expression doing nothing for her as she casts her eyes away to inadvertently fall on Andy, who is now hovering over Dov's bed. They just look at each other before Gail twists around and exits the room.

She's not sure whether to be glad or not to be out of the stifling room, seeing she's out here with the one person that despises her most.

Her eyes take in Chloe's profile, noting her drained eyes and sullen features. She never thought she'd see Chloe like this, for this _isn't_ her. And as much as she is down for this new version of Price, she would rather her improve and be merry, in a contained sort of way. Where the levels are low and manageable.

"I'm pregnant." She blinks then, taken aback by the revelation for she didn't expect this at all. Chloe with child.

With _Dov's_ child.

Chloe being a mother: Dov being a father.

Them being a.. family.

As much as it appals her she knows on some tiny, micro level that she is, dare she say, happy for them? They will be a dorky family, that's for sure. She can just imagine Dov feeding the fetus trivia questions while in the womb. It makes her cower slightly just thinking about it, poor kid.

"I know this wasn't your fault. It _isn't_ your fault. I.. I should never have taken it out on you, Gail." She knows she's right on some level, and even Holly, but it doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make her feel like it's not. Not really. But she appreciates it, even when she doesn't deserve it.

"I wasn't thinking straight, I'm sorry." It's the apology that finally prompts Gail to speak, for Chloe was well within her right to react the way she did and she knows it.

"You don't need to apologize. You were right before." Chloe's eyes meet hers then, turning away from the window looking in on Dov so she can give Gail her undivided attention.

"No, I wasn't. And I know it's a lame excuse to blame it on hormones but I really was talking _crazy_ earlier. I know you did everything you could. It's not like you were the one who stabbed him. So I'm sorry, okay?"

"Chloe-"

"Accept my apology and stop blaming yourself. This baby is gonna need a cool cousin like you around." She smiles slightly at this, her eyes trailing down Price's front even though all she can see is the kevlar vest. By the time she looks back up Chloe is looking back into the room, her eyes overcast.

"He needs to wake up. He can't die not knowing." It takes her a moment to speak up this time but when she does, she's confident. Her eyes looking to Dov, convinced:

"He's not going to die."

She feels Chloe's hand reach for her then, searching blindly until her fingers lock around her wrist tightly. She holds on like she's got nothing else to give and everything to lose. And so Gail resigns to be her strength then, if only for a moment, like Holly has been for her in her darkest hour.

She manipulates Chloe's hand until its being held strongly within her own.

It's enough for now.

It's not until several hours later that Dov wakes up. He's groggy and not quite with it, but he's conscious. Alive. Breathing. Living. She watches from the corner of the room, overcome with relief while everyone else sets about making sure Dov is okay.

"Is Gail okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine."

"Did we get him?"

"You got him, Dov. You got him."

"Good, good."

"Dov?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't want to say this here, but I– I can't wait any longer to tell you: I'm pregnant."

Somehow, the pregnancy manages to balance this tragedy out.

And she knows she should be a part of this moment that Chloe has made possible for everyone in the room, but she just can't. It's too much. And so she steps out, glad to have been there but in need of some head-space.

She leaves hearing the smile evident in Dov's voice, and the way he chokes up in surprise. She can hear the elation in Chris's cheer and the way Andy is congratulates Chloe alongside Traci. She can hear it all, and it's enough.

It balances this entire shitfest out.

It balances _them_ out.

Because everyone has suffered. Everyone. Everyone carries the scars whether they're physical or emotional or even both. And it's okay. It is, because they're stronger for it. They're forced to feel it, to embrace that fear every single day. To override it and live, serve and protect.

She can still remember the blood pouring from Chris's wound, and the way Traci looked so depleted during the respites on shift after Jerry's passing. She can still remember when she heard the news of Ollie's abduction, and the time when Andy held a grenade. She can still remember arriving on the scene and seeing Chloe's lifeless body on the ground, and the time Sam got shot.

These moments befell, but never did they define them.

And not because they were heroes, they weren't fearless. They _were_ the suffering, the resilient. And they struggled. And they fought. And they would continue to until the last breaths leave their body. It may not be a primary state of being, but its second nature; an acquired behavior long since practiced that almost feels innate to their person.

"Hello? _Hello?_ This bloody phone, I don't know how to use it! Stupid thing."

She's not sure why she remembers – whether it's because his voice sounds familiar or because he's on her mind – but it comes to her then.

She remembers all those times Jerry had issues with his new phone. They were mostly comical, and she had heard through Chris mostly about the messages he was receiving and she thought it silly.

Silly until that phone saved her life.

She watches the man leave the hallway, strolling away with the device still held to his ear while he rants. And she smiles. For the first time in a very long time, thinking about Jerry doesn't instil sadness in her. It doesn't trigger bad memories or feelings of guilt. The pain is still there, and she knows it forever will be but it's tolerable.

Because much like all the chaos in their lives, as human beings and Police Officers; it comes and goes in waves.

And right now she's sailing home, welcoming the land which is fast coming into view. She will make it back today. She will manage. She will survive.

She will _live._

* * *

><p>With a slow exhale she makes her way down the hallway and into the waiting room, her eyes quick to find Holly's form surrounded by Police Officers and the like. Holly promptly stands from her seat and walks on over. They meet in the middle and stand before each other awkwardly before Holly touches Gail's forearm, dipping her head to look into her eyes.<p>

"Let's go outside?"

They walk together, both casting their sights temporarily on the other before focusing on each step at hand. They eventually make it out and into the same place they were loitering earlier, which Gail is not sure whether she's thankful for or not.

Maybe if she were to close her eyes, she'd realize this was all a mirage. Maybe she wasn't here at all?

But she can hear the way Holly is breathing, puffing out heavy breaths in the dimming, night air. It's reassuring. Human.

She casts her eyes back to Holly, ready to ask whether she wants to go back inside in case it's too cold, but Holly has already opened her mouth first.

"I'm in this, Gail. I don't have a choice." It stumps her, because she's trying to understand what Holly is talking about, but she can't, and she can really see that it's important to her. She can see it in how Holly pushes her askew glasses back in place and the way she systematically regulates her breathing, even though it's clear that she's not actually cold.

But nervous, very nervous.

"What? You do?" She's not sure whether her answer is sufficient enough but her words must do the trick because Holly is stepping closer and continuing their dialogue with more zest than before.

"I thought I did. I chose to leave, I chose San Francisco, in good conscience. But being here now, seeing you; having been _away_ from you? I don't get to choose this; it's already been decided for now."

"I'm not following?"

"I'm in love with you, which means, I'm here."

"Yeah, we kind of went over this already, Holly. Like, _right here_, hours ago." She watches Holly barely shake her head, hardly putting the effort into doing so as she focuses solely on gaining more ground – in eliminating what space is marked between them.

"No, I'm _here._" She's still baffled by what Holly's words might mean, and with the way she's closing in on her, it's beginning to stir a lot of unsolicited impressions that she would rather lay to rest. Like the goosebumps. Like the air being divided between them. Like the times she would glimpse into her warm eyes after she's climaxed and see immense happiness reflecting back. Like the times her words would confuse and yet excite her, because Holly is the only person to ever make her want to know more, to seek more, and to just _want_ more of everything _with_ her.

It's all kinds of debilitating.

And that goddamn light just insists on quivering time and again to incense her.

With a ragged breath – one she's sure Holly can witness and even draw into her own to taste and then expel – she responds with a certainty that cannot be denied.

"You can't stay." It disables her for a moment, she can tell. She can see the way her body sways back from the hit, and she thinks maybe it's enough. She thinks this is it, she's done it; Holly will be gone forever.

Until she steps right back into her orbit once again.

"Maybe not right now but we'll find a way. Because today I woke up and I went to work and I got a call and now I'm here. The question is do you _want_ me to be here?" She doesn't dare believe what she's hearing even though the evidence is on the contrary. She doesn't dare listen to the way her heart beats, for surely it's unfounded. Surely these images are a long exhausted dream that will feature for the last time?

Surely, surely Holly's not here right now wanting to try again? To fight? To want to take this risk?

But she is. She's here after the many hours of flight, after the countless minutes of locating the hospital, and after the numerous seconds of being stood here, having asked Gail the most imperative question of all.

She must wait too long because Holly is bursting at the seams, her spheres wide with feeling and lips trembling, torn between closing and opening, opening and closing; starting and stopping, stopping and starting before she finally decides on speaking:

"Am I too late?" She can hear how crushed she is, can even see it etch in her brows the longer she remains immobile, mute; lost, floundering in the mist of possibilities. Could they? Should they? _Can_ they? Could it work? Would it work? _Can _it work?

She's not sure, but as she takes a breath, a sudden clarity befalls her:

_How can she know if she doesn't even try?_

Because at this moment in time, she is the only thing she _is_ sure of. And so Gail raises her hands, watching as Holly follows the movement before slotting them into Holly's coat pockets. She doesn't hesitate to pull her close then. And she can feel the surprised breath hit her cheek as they come face to face.

"There's no such thing. Us? We're preordained, apparently: you pretty much said so yourself." And there it is, the lopsided grin made to undo her. It's beautiful. It's everything she thought she'd never get to witness again.

And those eyes? They sparkle with life and the unspoken vow to make this work.

Because if it's been months and they still miss each other like mad, then it's clear they made a mistake in letting this go. The first time was her fault, the second time both. But now? Now there will be no more mistakes.

They will find a way to make it work, _together_.

"Good, 'cause I really need to kiss you now." Gail's eyes dither to her lips then, prepared for it to happen already but she waits. She waits in this little pause they have going on, just enjoying the way Holly is forever seeking more contact from her – because it shows they are matched, so very matched for each other.

Holly lingers running her hands up and down the Officer's forearms until Gail looks back up and says:

"Then shut up and do it, Lunchbox."


	4. Holly catches Gail reading fan fiction

**weedyart asked: Prompt: Holly catches Gail reading fan fiction.**

She had just gotten out of the shower when it happened.

Her eyes flitting to meet Gail's briefly as she stalked into their bedroom with the towel wound around her body. The scene that welcomed her was innocent enough, at least it was until Gail's eyes had widened, her focus quickly turning to the computer on her lap.

She didn't expect to see her hunch over it then and hastily smack down on some keys before directing her eyes back.

Gail was caught red-handed - for what, she's not sure yet.

Which leads to now.

She slowly turns to the chest of drawers to her right, trying to conjure up a rational explanation for her girlfriend's actions, but she seems to be drawing a blank.

Well, besides the obvious.

"What're you doing?" As she asks the simple question she discards the towel in the laundry basket and sets about putting on her underwear. She can feel Gail's eyes on her, and she knows it's not for her body this time – which in itself is a shame, for she was looking forward to some action tonight.

But she digresses.

Once she's done, she plies a thin tank top from the chest of drawers and puts that on, all the while waiting for a response.

"Nothing." It's the timbre of her voice that gives her away. That and the way she's still looking at her, shame identifiable from here.

Gail is the worst liar there is.

She turns around then, prepared for those doe eyes that are consciously trying to rein in her guilt.

And failing miserably.

"You closed a window when I walked in." She nods to the MacBook as she takes a seat on the edge of the bed. She's close enough to reach out, but distant enough to respect her space right now.

"No I didn't." Her eyes are downcast now, looking intensely to the screen. Holly can see how perfectly still she's being, as if believing that would somehow make her invisible or make Holly forget about the conversation at present.

Her head tilts naturally as she continues her appraisal of Gail, her brows furrowing under the concentration. She still can't think of a reason, at least one that makes sense for her girlfriend's bizarre behavior.

There's only one logical explanation for this.

"Gail.. Was you watching porn?"

"What?_ No._" She sounds so affronted that Holly's initial response is to apologize and backtrack, but then she stops and catches the sight of Gail's face. She's blushing. Full on, rosy cheeks and all. And oh.

Oh, she's done something, alright.

She shifts closer.

"Look, I'm not one for porn, but I understand that-"

"I did _not_ just watch porn." She watches as Gail forcefully closes the MacBook and flings it across the bed, her arms instantly folding the second they're free. Her blue eyes then turn to Holly, dark and wide. Wide and blue. Blue and dark.

Gorgeous eyes. Rich with emotion.

It comes to her then. Perhaps instead of questioning what exactly she has done, she should embrace the aftermath of her actions and deduce her reasoning from there. There's no denying the fact that it's beginning to sound a lot like the Kübler-Ross model at this point, oddly enough, for there has already been stages of denial and anger. The remaining ones would be-

"I was watching cat videos." _Hello bargaining_. Holly moves closer to her on the bed, trying to get more comfortable under Gail's penetrable gaze. For all her efforts, she still doesn't know when to just give up.

"You watch cat videos with me all the time.." She treads lightly, noting the way Gail looks back to the MacBook and then to her again. She looks so ruffled; her hair untamed like she's been pulling at it, and makes Holly want to just reach out and run her fingers through it.

"Yeah." She's really going the distance with this, and Holly can't help but lose some steam.

"Yeah, so why did you close it? Honey, if-"

"_I was reading fan fiction, okay?"_ Hello anger again, wait.. what?

"What?"

"I was reading fan fiction." Now Holly knows what fan fiction is, she's known a long time. She's spent many a time, perhaps too much time cooped up at home in the small hours reading those stories uploaded by people all over the world.

And it's not like there's just one show or one shipping, no.

She knows how varied things can get, how creative and how.. Unique. Some stories come to mind at this, which forces Holly to shake her head and look back to her girlfriend.

Now is not the time.

"What kind of fan fiction?" It's a tentative question; for she can tell her girlfriend is ill at ease about this. How can she not be when she's made such a big deal about it? And oh boy, here it comes, the unavoidable, dreaded depression. She can see it etch across her face, painting her features hollow as she tightens her arms across her chest.

It's moments like this she really wants to do something; to touch her, make her feel okay. But she knows that only Gail can do that, and so she does what she can. She lowers her eyes, not wanting to exacerbate the situation as her fingers trail the fabric of the duvet. She takes her time smoothing out the material, edging closer to Gail's foot the more she continues.

She keeps her eyes down to the bed, not wanting to stifle her. It's a difficult task but she succeeds, knowing that her girlfriend is looking at her and slowly starting to calm down.

"Gail, what fan fiction?" She gently prods, darting her eyes quickly up to her before looking back down. Her hand runs up the side of her ankle, the palm flattening the creases, endeavoring to sail over the span of her lover's leg, but alas she does not.

And will not until Gail submits, freely.

She can hear Gail mutter the answer under her breath, and finds the next time she looks at her, that she's glancing in the opposite direction - acting coy and oblivious to what's going on. It's endearing and cute, and it makes Holly smile.

"From what show?" Once again she whispers it, and so Holly decides to place her hand firmly on Gail's shin to squeeze encouragingly.

"Gail, I can't hear you if you mumble-"

"_Rizzoli and Isles_." It takes a moment for Holly to digest the information, her hand still on Gail's leg as Gail finally succumbs to eye contact, however piteous she looks in doing so.

"Rizzoli and Isles? But you hate that show."

"Mm." Gail doesn't commit to an answer, instead choosing to shrug as she drops her hands into her lap. There she watches Gail fidget, her fingers moving and flexing nervously.

"You always rip into me when I watch that show. You say it's cheesy and the only two people who could possibly make that premise work would be us two."

"I still think that, you know." Gail smirks at this and raises her eyes to meet Holly's. There's something in the way she does it that makes Holly's heart flutter, as if dazed by the intensity of this pointed look.

Even in these moments when all seems vulnerable, Gail always has some form of control. She never relinquishes herself of it entirely and neither for too long. But Holly knows regardless that when she does, it's special, for she doesn't allow her guard down for just anyone.

No, she's earned that right.

"There's nothing wrong with fan fiction, okay? You know how bad my Harry Potter addiction can get sometimes." By this time her hand has subconsciously worked its way up her thigh. Only then does she realize what she's doing and stops, forcing her fingers to trace back down the sweatpants her girlfriend is donning.

"I know." And we have acceptance.

She can't help the chuckle that escapes her lips, thinking back on what she thought would be the likely culprit.

"I really thought you were watching porn, especially with that music you were playing earlier." She had almost forgot, having had the shower on full blast. But she can remember now, the array of songs that played through the speakers – songs neither of them would listen to ordinarily.

"Oh, that was some soundtrack a writer made for one of their stories.."

Oh no, has she.. has she underestimated just how bad her obsession is?

"Gail Peck, how bad is your Rizzoli and Isles addiction?"

"Pretty bad, it started off with the stories, and then it progressed to Tumblr - and they have some awesome people on there, Hols. Sharing gifs, songs.. artwork."

And here Holly was thinking that her girlfriend was watching porn..


	5. Gail wakes up in a compromising position

**Anonymous asked: ****Prompt: Gail wakes up to find herself completely wrapped up in Holly's arms, with her hand indecently on Holly's boob. "For this to be less awkward, I think you are going to have to touch mine now." **

**[This takes place after 4x10]**

She's not sure what's going on exactly as she comes to, for her brain feels atypically muddled and not quite with it like it ought to be. And even though she can discern that it's still very early in the morning, this sudden need to establish why she's in the condition that she is causes her to her open her eyes and to assess the situation.

After a few tentative flutters, Gail is confronted with a few things she wasn't prepared for at all:

One, she was not in her own bed. This much was obvious considering the aesthetic of this foreign bedroom which was entirely decorated in a soft grey hue, and it was spacious – so very spacious. Airy in a non-condescending way, if that were possible.

Two, her body ached. She felt sluggish, especially with her right hand. Her _good_ hand, which immediately causes her to remember how it ended up being in this shape to begin with, which leads to..

Three, her left hand currently cupping Holly's breast.

It's real. It's happening. She knows it is because she's shut her eyes and opened them about a dozen times now, and even flexed her hand hesitantly over the clothed area. Well, as clothed as a tank top can be. It doesn't change the fact that she's groping her friend, though. No.

And the thing is, the thing she can't quite understand, is why she hasn't stopped yet.

It dawns on Gail then that Holly wasn't even supposed to be in here, this guest room she was ushered into last night with the promise of Cheese Puffs and copious shots of Tequila. She's fairly certain she spewed out something about watching reruns of The Simpsons, as well.

No, she wasn't supposed to be in here at all - not with her room and its mammoth sized bed.

No, not when they're currently cramped into this tiny, single bed.

So what prompt Holly to abandon her room to venture down the hallway and into this room? She hopes she didn't have a nightmare..

"I can hear you thinking from here." Well fuck.

She remains perfectly still for a moment, hoping against hope that her stationary position will somehow morph her body into stone. But alas, she breathes and her limbs move. And now she's acutely aware of Holly's gaze upon her.

They fall into an uncomfortable lull, neither really knowing where to go from here. Gail tries to regulate her breaths that are fitfully hitting Holly's neck, and with some manipulation she manages to slow down her bodily responses.

"For this to be less awkward, I think you are going to have to touch mine now." She can feel the reverberations of Holly's snicker, and it instantly makes her smile. There's something about this woman that just causes her to feel giddy, and light, and so goddamn free.

It's like she's at peace.

No, it must be the meds. She must still be high.

"If this is your idea of foreplay, Gail, then you really need to brush up on your technique." She's not really affronted but she has a persona to live up to, and so she tilts her head and glares at Holly.

Holly with her lopsided grin.

Holly with her natural, un-fucking-believable skin. How can it be that radiant in the morning and without makeup, hm?

Holly with her.. her.

She peruses Holly a moment further, trying to understand it but she quickly gives up. Drawing a breath through her slightly ajar lips, she continues her scowl before speaking:

"_What?_ And what is wrong with my technique?"

"Well you're static, for one. Usually when you start something, you kind of expect a progression before the close. Stopping halfway? That kinda makes it fruitless." It shouldn't surprise her how Holly would ramble about foreplay, considering this woman loves to ramble about anything if given the opportunity.

She just didn't expect to feel so weird about it.

It's not like they haven't talked about stuff before, though this is a special circumstance in itself given the placement of her hand.. which still.. has yet.. to.. move.

"The only person who is fruitless here, Holly, is you." She looks down to where her hand is, still very much caressing Holly's boob. Just sitting there like it's minding its own business, her entire palm holding as much of her as it can.

"How do you suppose?" She can hear the lilt in her voice, can even visualise the furrow of her brows. She wants to witness it, but as she closes her eyes she knows that she need not to when she can conjure it up all on her own.

She never really thought about people or their reactions. Never gave a damn to what they would say or how their countenance would portray certain emotions. But with Holly, she's grown obsessed. If she can see her, watch her, try to understand her, then she will. There have been moments she would act flippant, even dismissive, but she would forever be looking in her peripheral, always hanging off her words.

Holly intrigued her, and she can't recall the last person who truly had that kind of power over her.

She quickly swipes her bottom lip with her tongue, trying to rein in her thoughts as she opens her eyes.

"Well at least I'm _actually_ doing something: your hands are flaccid and nowhere _near_ my boobs." She feels her chuckle again, and just knows she thinks her insane. But she knows she's receiving her words in good humour, for she's nothing if not absurd.

And she thoroughly enjoys being able to banter with Holly in this way, even when her hand is _still_ on her boob.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware we were feeling each other up this morning."

"Well I left you a memo." She can tell she's shaking her head mildly in disbelief, and it forces her to hold back the smile that's bursting to corrupt her lips. She's never had this problem before – not really – to hold back a smile so hard it hurts. It's new. It's fun.

And it's hurting her bloody face with trying to keep it at bay.

"You do this with all your lady friends?"

"Ew, no. I can't stand to be in the same vicinity as Price, let alone encroaching on her person."

"What about.. McNally, was it?" Too soon. It's too soon to even consider her, let alone talk about her and what she's done. She can feel her jaw clenching involuntarily, her body growing taut with nerves before she manages to calm herself down.

At this point she doesn't even care about Nick. He's just an asshole at this point.

But McNally? She was.. She should have..

"She's not a friend." With an exhale she digs her forehead further into Holly's shoulder, burying head as much as possible. She wouldn't dare admit it, but she's rather enjoying this. Holly with her arms wrapped around her form. She's only just realising that Holly's hand is running up and down her back gingerly, as if uncertain but venturing anyway in hopes of keeping this moment alive.

Of bringing her back to the conversation at hand.

She always knows not to infringe upon matters, instead opting to be supportive in any which way that she can. And for once she appreciates this form of communication. Perhaps it's only exclusive to Holly, seeing as she can't bear to do this with anybody else as it stands.

"Mm. Nash though, maybe."

"Nash?" She decides not to follow up as that would go into weird territory and it's already strange enough as it is. Instead she shifts, being mindful of her injured wrist and goes about looking at Holly once again.

"Okay well, I still have my hand on your boob and you haven't done anything, so.. I'm just gonna take this back." She removes her hand finally, and the thing she notices first is the cold. Her palm feels desolate now, like it had a purpose before.. It was home.

Her face scrunches up at the farcical thought before sitting up entirely.

"And we'll just act like this never happened." Even as she's saying it, she doubts she will be able to forget. No, not when she's lying there having been practically weighed down by Gail for the entire night.

No, not when she's lying there in barely anything, and with her nipples protruding like that.

No, no.

She finally diverts her eyes having virtually leered at her friend, and forces herself to her feet unceremoniously.

"But you should know, Holly.."

"Yeah?" She watches Holly prop herself up onto her elbows then, her face admittedly conveying her confusion for what's going on.

Her eyes fall slightly from hers, unable to maintain eye contact for too long, what with the compliment she's about to offer her friend. She knows she has to say it, that this may be the only chance she gets. And so she seizes it.

"Your boobs? They're very soft. I can see why women become breast girls."


	6. High School AU Golly

**shadowanddancer asked: ****Here's a prompt for you: HS AU Golly. Gail is all grumpy and badass, but she's sneakily nice to all the outcasts who get bullied and Holly figures it out. Have fun! :D **

She's in the library studying for finals when she hears them whispering. It starts out harmless enough – a low buzz surfacing to penetrate the ambiance of a previously crafted silence – but she soldiers on, nevertheless.

_Of course_ there was bound to be sound in the library, it's just she didn't expect it to reach these levels of complete disregard. They are just point blank talking to each other with no consideration for others, and where unfortunately Holly is placed right next to them on the adjourning table.

See, she's prepared for sound but she's not immune to incessant natter.

And if she's being honest, that noise bothers her most.

"Did you hear about Peck?" Her eyes roll upon hearing the name; she's not entirely sure as to why other than the fact that the girl seemed to be everywhere, speaking to everyone, and being everything in this school.

Not that she's resentful of this, no. She barely knows the girl.

But as she contemplates the wonder of Gail Peck, a question dawns on her: did she not know about her _because_ she chose not to, or because _Gail_ chose to not let others know? She always just assumed things about Gail, and yet she had no real confirmation. No true facts. No.. Nothing.

This girl was mysterious as hell, and yet she made some of the biggest impressions.

"She got caught for smoking behind the school."

"Stupid bitch, should-" She can't help herself then, for she feels compelled to intercept them as she rotates on her chair.

"Hey." The two guys in question look up to Holly, completely dumbfounded by her presence, let alone her attitude.

"Would you two mind toning it down? We're in a library. If you want to have a conversation, I'd recommend taking it elsewhere." They continue to look perplexed at her, not quite grasping the information given until they start to pack up their things. She can hear their harsh mumblings as she twists her body back to look at her work.

"Nerd." She blinks and waits for them to leave, not regretting her decision, and yet feeling slightly dampened by it. The name, though uncalled for, was an accurate one. She could live with it. It wasn't like she was systematically bullied everyday of her life, but she wasn't exactly exempt from it either.

With a sigh she sets about resuming her work, paying one last thought to Gail before turning the page and knuckling down to study.

—+—

She's at her locker swapping her books when she overhears a few girls across from her.

"Hey, did you hear about Peck?" _Oh god, not this again_. She tries to zone out; to concentrate on the sound of others in the corridor, but for some reason her ears tune in to what they are saying – much to her dismay.

"Apparently her mom came in."

"Oh my god, what happened? Did she get expelled?"

"Worse, her mom started accusing the school of lying; saying shit like 'Gail doesn't smoke', 'my daughter wouldn't do that', but then she confessed!"

"Holy shit."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, Sean said that he saw her mom give her a right lecture in the car park and Gail just took it."

"That doesn't sound like her."

"I know, but its gets better! Sean said that once her mother stopped talking and got in the car, she just walked away."

"No way!"

"Yes way! Just flat out walked away from her, and left the passenger door open and everything."

"So she _did_ get expelled?!"

"I don't think so; Grant said that when he was in the waiting room, he heard the principal say something about a suspension."

It was like the universe was on her back, imploring her to think about Gail. It was the strangest thing. She had gone _years_ without giving her much interest to being completely _submerged_ by her identity for the entire day.

She just didn't understand why.

She decides then to place her books back, and instead opt for doing something a little more active than she originally planned.

It's only when she's on the track that she realises she made the right choice, feeling thankful for the spare kit she had saved in her locker. There was something about just getting out there and just running that liberated Holly – made her feel stronger, better. Made her muscles ache in all the right places; it made her fitter, and she was glad for she was all about improving herself these days.

And so she was on her fifth lap and in her stride when she saw Gail – this person she had heard about all day, and who was suddenly right there.

Well, not _right_ there. Gail was at some distance from her, approaching the seating area.

Except it wasn't empty, no.

On the third, maybe forth row was a guy – Dave? Dan? She wasn't entirely sure of his name, but he wasn't particularly popular. In-fact he happened to be picked on, on occasion. For this reason Holly slows down her pace, half anticipating Gail to hurt this kid somehow; that is until she reaches the row he's on and..

Sits down.

She wishes that she had brought her contacts with her today, but she hadn't. But from what little she can see Gail seems to be engaging him in conversation before drawing out an object from her bag. She picks up her movement then, willing for her body to be closer so she can see exactly what's going on; her feet smacking against the synthetic track while she surreptitiously switches into different lanes.

Once she gets closer she can discern through squinting eyes that it's actually a handheld console of some kind, and that he has one too.

They're just sitting there looking down at their machines, clearly comfortable around each other.

And for some reason she can't take her eyes off of this spectacle even when she passes them by, her head turning to look back, stunned by what she's just witnessed.

It's not that she believes Gail to be a bully, no. It's just.. Well. She's not sure. She's had all these preconceived ideas – views garnered by gossiping folk, and it makes her regret ever logging them, because she's aware on some level that Gail is not just some two-dimensional person.

She's a human being whose life is continually being criticised; by her parents, her peers, by supposed friends and even people like herself, who don't even know her but feel entitled to pass judgement based on these so called 'facts'.

And all because of what? Her grumpiness and looks?

Her head turns back around then, determined to focus on the track once again as she forces the thoughts far away.

For who was she to entertain these thoughts anyway, hm?

—+—

Her hair is still drying from the shower when she exits the premise. Usually she doesn't mind this, but with the cold weather and all she decides on tying it back into a ponytail to let it dry naturally that way.

Her body feels energised by the run, knowing that she made the right choice as she pulls the hairband from her wrist. It's then that she can hear some noise coming from the side of the building that's covered in foliage. She tries not to pay attention to it as she flexes the band and pulls her hair back, but she instantly stops the second the words reach her ears.

"You didn't have to do that, Gail."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it _matters_, you got suspended! Finals are coming up.."

"So?"

"So? You shouldn't have." She turns her head into the direction of the voices, her hands working on autopilot as she finishes tying her hair back loosely. It's only as the wet tresses impact her neck that she flinches and pulls on the tie, making sure to tighten it suitably.

"Look, it's fine."

"No it's not. Now your mom thinks you smoke."

"Exactly."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you're trying to piss her off.. I suppose this would do that."

"Look. It's okay, Gregg, really. Shit happens. You don't need that on your school record."

"And you do? Seriously, Gail, sometimes I wonder why you're so nice to me."

"I'm not nice."

"Shit, I didn't mean-"

"You take that back."

"I take it back."

"Good. Now give me a smoke."

"But you don't-"

"I think I deserve to know what it tastes like considering I got suspended for it, don't you think?"

"Here."

"Thanks." She can hear the exhale followed by a soft cough, which for some reason causes Holly to smile just a little. She adjusts her grip on her bag, pulling it up and over her shoulder as she steps closer to the side of the building, wanting to be closer but not wanting to alert them of her presence.

"So what are you going to do now?" Gail must do something because the guy continues; clearly taking her response as one that warrants appeal.

"You can stay at mine, if you like?"

"Na, it's okay." The guy sighs heavily at her response, and before long emerges from the corner, causing Holly to turn sharply away and to stand with her back flush against the wall. He doesn't seem to see her as he bounds off, walking straight ahead. She puffs out a breath in relief, only to have a cloud of smoke blown into her face.

She coughs and turns her head to glance at Gail, who is standing there looking not best pleased with her presence.

Her blue spheres trail over Holly's form, clutching the stick that's smouldering between her fingertips. She must come to a conclusion once her eyes meet Holly's again, for she raises the cigarette to her lips and takes a drag.

"Beat it, nerd."

When Holly doesn't seem to move, Gail creates a sound of displeasure in her throat, choosing instead to walk away from Holly but she doesn't get far.

No, not when Holly is taking a step forward in earnest, with words tumbling out her mouth.

"I got you wrong." This seems to stop her, and the force of which she stops makes Holly reconsider her decision to speak up. She should have just kept her mouth shut. She should have turned a blind eye and carried on as she was.

But no, she just had to open her mouth and comment about something Gail would have no idea about - it's not like she can read her mind, afterall. It doesn't surprise her then when Gail spins around, her body agile and moving fast to eliminate the space between them.

She's never seen Gail look so incensed before, it's truly thunderous.

"What?"

"I.." It startles her for moment, these piercing blues. How did they get to be so lurid? So captivating? They stand out, especially with her complexion. And never has she seen them pointed at her.

It leaves her reeling, trying to organise her bearings as she adjusts her askew glasses on her face.

And here she thought her heart would never beat so hard, considering the exertion her body has been put through today.

But she stands corrected.

Holly takes a further moment to compose; to recover from the momentary disturbance forced upon her body. She licks her lips, trying to steady herself and her thoughts. When she's sure her words won't stutter, she accepts Gail's expression wholly and gives her one of her own.

"For the whole duration of high school I thought you weren't worth knowing: I was wrong."

Her previous conceptions of Gail haven't done her justice, as from afar it's easy to write her off – to think she doesn't care. But being this close, being able to see the shifts and contortions on her face, however small, informs Holly that this person is a lot more than anyone cares to acknowledge.

Her eyes dither to the cigarette which is burning by her side, and for some reason she's grateful that Gail has ditched this maverick pretence she's so perfectly fashioned, because it's clear she's not.

She's far from being rebellious in her eyes.

"You're a lot more than others give you credit for, Gail. And I'm sorry I never paid close enough attention to you."

"No need to get all sentimental on me, Stewart. I've been doing just fine not knowing you."

"Except _you do_; you know my name. You know I work track and field. You know I'm a nerd." She can see the recognition on her face, and the slight pull of her lips and it gives her confidence. It gives her the strength to finish.

"So you can say you don't know me all you want, but I know you, Gail - I know you like you know me." She wants to say so much more but she refrains, not wanting to scare her off. She feels like she's said too much, and yet not enough.

Before she can think more on it, she watches Gail inhale sharply and take a step back, her head bowing to look at her hand that has since dropped the offending stick.

"Shit. Stupid cigarette."

"Let me see." She doesn't wait for an answer as she walks to Gail, making sure to deliberately place her shoe over the cigarette to extinguish it before taking Gail's hand in her own. Her hand is clean and completely void of any signs of nicotine stains, so she can't understand how she would get into trouble for an act she never committed.

If anything, her hand is incredibly soft.

"Mm, you should be okay." She appraises her index and middle fingers carefully before dropping her hand and watching Gail inspect the damage for herself.

"Well thanks, _doc._"

"Use antibacterial soap and apply cold water. If you find yourself in discomfort, maybe try some Aloe Vera gel; it's a natural herb that will help soothe and heal the burn." She half expects Gail to look at her then and rip into her about being a nerd, but instead she finds her looking up timorously before casting her eyes back down to her twitching fingers.

"So no scarring?" She would have undoubtedly missed the question had it not been for their proximity, she's sure. But she catches her words – though barely – for she hears her voice above all else, which has taken on a gentle intonation; all husky and low. It does things to her, things she can't quite place within herself.

Even though she _knows_ what butterflies are.

Her brain merely denies her the act of thinking on it – this curious matter – choosing rather to pick at the process instead, for _this_ she knows well. _This_ she can focus on, for she knows the fluttering feeling that erupts in her stomach is actually caused by a reduction of blood flow to the organ, as a result of the release of adrenaline, which happens to cause increased blood pressure and heart rate.

This she knows well, the science of it all.

But to explain _why_ it has occurred to begin with?

No.

She shakes her head and takes a step back, feeling Gail's eyes question her retreating form.

"I shouldn't think so. Keep the area clean and you should be as good as new in no time." She offers a tentative smile before pulling aimlessly at the strap of her bag, feeling the need to preoccupy her meandering hands as she takes another step back.

"Well, I should go. I have class, so." She forces another smile and turns around sharply, willing for her body to work even though she suddenly feels crippled by her jarring legs. The run, though a blessing at the time, comes with certain consequences that she's now paying for.

She frowns trying to work through the tension racking through her, until she hears Gail call out to her.

"Holly?" Her body happily stops, glad for the respite as she stands there, unable to bring herself to look back even though she really wants to. Eventually she concedes, mostly because she wants to look at her face, but somewhat because of the silence that follows. She twists her upper body around, refusing to turn fully as if it would be victorious on Gail's behalf.

Her eyes are slow to react for she looks awkwardly to the ground, waiting for Gail to continue, yet she doesn't. So with an exhale, one that emits softly through her nose, she lifts her eyes to peer at Gail.

Gail with her blue eyes.

Gail with her unruly, yet completely contrived nature.

Gail with her pale skin.

Gail with her mute voice.

Gail with her.. smile.

There's no denying it, this girl is beautiful.

And with this thought in mind, Holly receives her words wholeheartedly:

"Thank you."


	7. I dare you two to kiss

**Anonymous asked: Prompt: Golly. "I dare you two to kiss."**

He's an idiot.

She's always known it, knew it the second he walked through the door. He wasn't ready, he shouldn't – nor did he deserve to be there, and yet he stayed at the expense of 15 Division. Through all the complications and drama, and McNally chewing off every available ear she could sink her teeth into.

She knew it then and knows it now.

Gerald is an idiot.

And so tonight didn't change that. In-fact she's surprised he didn't do something sooner having been at the Penny for a little over an hour now. Though she supposes it's due to the abundance of alcohol circulating around, and of course, the impromptu PDA at their table - a table that was doing just fine without his presence; a table that was acclaiming Holly Stewart's job offer in San Francisco, and with it, her inevitable departure in four days' time.

Four days.

Her eyes trail over Holly's frame, hardly believing this woman will soon be in a different country altogether. This woman who had barely been in her life – at least in the scale of time – and yet was the only one it seems, to impact it in all the ways that truly count.

It wasn't easy letting her go, that was for sure.

They had discussed their options. They had argued their cases. Fought. Had sex. And fought some more. Until day five into her fourteen days, they made a decision.

They would part. They would let go. They would separate.

And not one moment since has she left Holly's side, even when knowing she can no longer be with her - at least in a physical capacity. They decided that it would be too confusing to keep on with the way they were, especially with her leaving shortly. They needed to make the transition as soon as they could so it would be easier on them both.

And yet they couldn't stay away from each other, either.

So that's how Gail found herself spending time with Holly, allocating as many hours to hang out as she could considering her work schedule - she had even taken some days off thanks to Oliver's authorization. And what Gail promptly realised was that those were the hours that mattered most – time spent with Holly having dinner, laughing and joking, helping pack up her life and doing everything she could feasibly do as a _friend_.

But by god, it was proving to be the most difficult thing possible. It was torturous, especially with her here right now, in the bar, with her friends, and on her way to being intoxicated.

It was hard, but she remained strong. She kept her distance, at least in terms of actual contact – because like hell she wasn't going to be sat right next to her while she still could – she was only human, afterall.

And so they were having a fun night.

Surprisingly it had been Holly's idea to go out and say goodbye to everyone when they never really hung out together in the first place, though she supposes she spoke to them, and would like to say goodbye in equal measure.

Everyone had the semblance to not comment about them, and Gail was thankful for that seeing how nosy they can get. Initially she thought it was going to be awkward, considering the to and fro act that was going on but after the first few drinks everyone relaxed and conversation seemed to flow painlessly.

She had Price to thank for that - though she'd never vocally tell her as such, no. For as much as she was the remedy, she was also proving to be the disease.

It had innocently started with her exclaiming "kiss, kiss" to Sam and McNally, to which Sam conceded, be it begrudgingly. It was icky but over quickly, so Gail took no notice of it.

That was until Gerald.

Gerald, the idiot.

He sprung over to the table, bounding like an infant set free from his crib. Drink in hand, grin on lips. And she knew. She just _knew_ he would do something. And although she wasn't the tiniest bit surprised, she wasn't exactly expecting the following words to exit his mouth:

"I dare _you_ two to kiss."

At first she exhales softly with her head bowed down, swiftly bored by his request, not caring to watch anymore action take place at the table. She brings the drink up to her lips and takes a sip before realising how deathly silent everyone has become.

At this she lifts her head and notices several things:

Namely, the gawking.

Especially, how Holly was scrutinizing her form.

And unfortunately, the way Gerald was looking pointedly from Holly to her.

Oh no.

No.

Fuck sake, no.

Idiot.

Bloody moron.

Not only was he a complete failure at work as a Police Officer, but he was assuredly a piss-poor attempt at being a human being, too.

The silence must get to him because soon he's shrugging, leaning on Nick's shoulder – who is strongly eying the drink in his hand that's sporadically flying in the air before glaring at the rookie and brushing his arm off.

"What? People gossip." He slurs like an arrogant fool, inclining forward to lean on Nick once again, his eyes intently on Gail now.

"_Heard_ _through the grapevine_ that you were dating some Doctor chick at one point and you two are _hot_ – so why not? I bet you've wondered what it would be like, right? This might be the last time you get to."

In more ways than one.

"Duncan-"

"No, he's right." She cuts McNally off, twisting to look at Holly who is looking more than a little troubled at the events taking place.

"We are hot, and this could be the last time."

She sees it.

She's pretty sure the entire table sees it, minus Gerald, because Holly is remaining still in her seat – the only response having been the brief grimace that appeared before she steeled herself. Gail doesn't over-think it then, instead choosing to lean forward and press her lips quickly against Holly's.

Quickly.

Except they lingered.

Her nose grazed hers momentarily.

And she swears she heard Holly draw in a jagged breath before she pulled away completely. She wasn't sure because her eyes had yet to open, but once she was back in her seat she chose to look.

An action she learned to regret.

Because the second she saw her, the wave of sadness and nostalgia swallowed her whole. It was like Holly had already left, like this was the remnants of a love that was once so active…

And how can that be so? How can it already be gone when she was still right here?

With a shaky inhale, her teeth parting to draw it in, she pushes herself to her feet.

"Excuse me." Maybe _she_ was the idiot? She shouldn't have done it. She should have just ripped into Gerald like she would anybody else. And to have completely lost herself in the moment, forgetting about everybody else at the table, she was humiliated.

She can hear the faint discussion taking place as she tries to navigate through the copious bodies in the bar.

"Duncan, you _do_ know who Holly is, right?"

"The Forensic lady?"

"Yes, which means..?"

"What?"

"For Christ sakes, Duncan, it means she's a Doctor of Medicine."

"So?"

"Are you _really_ that dense?"

"Wait, you're telling me… She's– you're.. Shit."

"That took him far too long to realise."

She finds herself heading for the restroom, making her way down the hallway, yet she's not quick enough – and _that_ was her problem, wasn't it?

In all her time, she was always in a hurry: a hurry to get to work, in a hurry to leave work, in a hurry to eat, in a hurry to cum, in a hurry to get drunk, in a hurry..

But with Holly she never hurried; instead she basked. Instead, she took comfort in knowing that for once in her life she didn't need to seek out the destination immediately – choosing rather to enjoy the journey with the most wonderful person she'd ever met.

The coolest chick ever.

_Her_ _Lunchbox_.

And so hurrying with Holly, in any capacity, just felt wrong.

"Is that it?" She knew she would follow. This was Holly, afterall; this person who had the aptitude to care beyond any normal standard, because she chose to. She was unrelenting and if this were anybody else Gail would feel smothered – would instantly feel like she was being infringed upon.

But Holly? No. Never.

Holly was a part of her, she never felt foreign or intrusive. She felt like everytime she came around, she was finally reconciling with pieces of herself she never dared try and relate to. She made being entirely herself possible. And for that she could never outrun or disconnect from her.

For Holly was the quintessence of home for Gail.

"What?" She turns around trying to prepare herself for the sight of Holly, yet she should know by now that when that moment arrives she's never prepared.

She still sees her anew every single time, and it always jolts a reaction from her. And now is not the exception, not with the way she's appraising her from behind those well-worn spectacles. She can recall simple times where Holly would place them lethargically on the bedside table, or where she herself would remove them; her motives not entirely simple for she can still remember slipping them off her face and discarding them effortlessly before moving onto purchasing Holly's lips.

Those glasses made up so many memories for her; she couldn't help but adore them.

"You're just gonna kiss me like that? Like I'm one of your.. long distant relatives."

"What did you expect? What do you _want_ me to do, Holly? Take you up against this wall right here?" She means it as a joke, except it doesn't turn out as such. Not when there's something fusing them together in this moment; an undercurrent of tension that neither can walk away from nor possibly initiate.

There's a desire laced between them both, whether it's due to their abstinence, attraction or the concoction of liquor tonight, who knows. But it's present and exhilarating, so much so that Gail feels one breath away from just caving in and doing something about it.

Instead she shakes head and turns on her heels, continuing down the hall to the restroom.

"You said it yourself; this might be the last time."

She stops then, taken aback by her words; words that may ring true. Except she knows, she _feels_ on some level that it won't. It _can't _be_._

She slowly turns around, and there's something so delicate in the way Holly looks at her. She can still see the pulse - can experience it even, yet there's something in how Holly is projecting herself fully with all her hopes and fears:

It's like she's on the precipice, just waiting for something to happen; with a crater of silence yearning to devour her streams of consciousness brimming with noise.

Yet she waits.

She wants to scream out, and Gail almost does so on her behalf.

The intensity of her brown spheres compels her to move then, to step forward and to eliminate the distance she tried to create only moments before. She would always find her way back here. No matter what happened, she would return to her – whether it was healthy, whether it was right, whether she wanted to or not.

Whether _Holly_ even wanted her to.

For Holly will always be the single most ruinous person to exist in her life; the only soul capable of unravelling her this way. And she knows, _she knows. _

She will submit everytime.

"We know damn well that it won't be." She can hear how hoarse her voice has become, and for a moment she's startled, overcome until Holly's eyes perceptibly dilate with anticipation. And it's enough. It's all enough.

Holly must sense it because she reacts instantly, her arms moving to enclose eagerly around Gail who is fast stepping into her proximity and invading it. Neither lingering, looking for a gentle reconciliation.

No.

They both grab onto each other, lips intent on connecting straightaway. Gail can hear the small thud from where she presses Holly up against the wall, desperate for any form of friction to occur. It's a fiery moment mingled with impassioned kisses and tongues and bites, harsh whimpers and moans. It's a gratification that they aim for, hands scoring over clothed areas and habitually clutching.

It's all too much and nothing at all.

This is a different kind of longing; a deep seated, ever gnawing, and never sated energy that courses through her. It never ceases, not really. It merely has levels of need, and they have steadily been growing ever since she was unable to touch her, feel her – to endure this _with_ her.

And now that they're here, together? _It's all too much and nothing at all._

She just wants to consume and be consumed. She wants to control and yield control. She wants to feel Holly brush her lips over every inch of her skin, to just take what she will. She wants to burn, glimmer and watch them collapse together.

And fold, just fold.

Gail pulls back then, her breaths heavy hitting Holly's lips.

"He might be right about us this second, even this year.. Maybe even longer. But it will _not_ be our last kiss, not by a long shot." She seems to consider Gail for a moment; her eyes slow to eradicate the expansion of lust burning bright. But when it does, when it eventually dissolves; in its place a warm, smokey topaz brown envelopes them, rich with sentiment.

It makes Gail realise that she absolutely adores every facet of Holly's disposition.

"You promise?" She leans her forehead against hers then, feeling the need to close the distance and to prolong this intimacy for a little while longer. She contemplates her question before she responds, even though she knows the answer already.

"I promise. Let's get out of here."

For all their tries for urgency, to hurry - she knows that with Holly, she will never rush. What they have deserves the respect to be taken gradually, to be measured and laborious. It was worth the trials to begin with, and it would be worth the time and struggles to be with her love once again.

It will all be worth it.


	8. Holly meets Gail while jogging

**ragingscooter asked: ****While Holly is out for a jog she meets Gail who is mildly injured after tackling a suspect in front of her. **

She has only been in Toronto for a little over a month now, but it was really beginning to feel like work was following her around at every turn. Not that Holly doth protest, for she loves her job; she loves every aspect of it. But there have been moments where she has found herself wanting relief.

Just a quiet respite away from it all.

She had been working ridiculously long hours, trying to transition as smoothly as possible into this new environment, but it was proving difficult. She had yet to have time off, and the more work she got through, the more work seemed to come her way.

There was no way around it. This _was_ her life, whether she was in the office, her lab, or doing her scheduled jog that included a course through Trinity Bellwoods Park.

She had just taken a turn out of the park when the trouble arouse, at least for her.

It was one thing trying to navigate through the copious hipsters loitering the green like stray cats, but it was a whole other ballpark almost colliding with an on-going pursuit. Fortunately she was just about to generate her momentum, and thus was able to stop before anything adverse could occur.

Except for the Officer, it seemed like the bad was already happening and then some.

Holly could only watch from the side-lines along with the rest of pedestrians as this Officer tackled this guy to the ground, and he didn't go down willingly, that's for sure. Yet she persisted, moving around with him on ground, even going so far as to knock over a pavement sign as she struggled.

Holly took this time to pull the headphones from her ears, allowing them to pool around her neck as she looked on, perceptibly entranced.

Eventually the crook conceded to the weight of authority; his arms bound around his back. The Officer, once securing her status over his person, briefly recounts to him why he's being arrested before pulling him to his feet, grumbling:

"You made me run." The perpetrator in question exhales belligerently, his head turning sharply to peer at the woman in uniform.

"All you pigs ever do is sit around all day; 'bout time yous get off your asses and get some exercise!" The Officer clearly refrains from inflicting harm on this person, just barely, as she glares at the side of his head.

"Dov, if you don't get this guy away from me.." Holly's eyes dart to the presence of another uniform that quickly moves over to grab the offender.

"Got it. Sir, you're under arrest."

"Yeah yeah, Barbie filled me in: 'you are under arrest, blah blah. Right to remain silent, _blah blah_.'"

"Looks like we've got ourselves an animated one." Holly's eyes flit back to the original Officer, noting her less than thrilled countenance at his utterance. The other Officer having seen this tugs the delinquent on the sidewalk and pulls him away without another word.

Holly watches the few bodies start to disperse, no longer interested in sticking around once the spectacle is over. Except she lingers, watching the blonde haired Officer for reasons which confound her. She shuts off her music which she had long since forgotten and shuffles closer to the woman, taking in her ruffled exterior and rather impressive deadpan expression.

"Are you okay?" The Officer seems startled by this, her eyes rising from the ground to look at Holly.

And the second the blues meet her browns, she finds herself equally taken aback by how very intense they are.

"What?"

"Your arm?" Her eyes dart to her arm, noticing the uniform looking a little worse for wear.

"It's fine."

"Your shirt is torn." The Officer upon seeing this mumbles under her breath, her nimble fingers quick to locate the area in question before she drops her arm by her side. After a beat, she instils a stoic profile that wasn't present moments before and directs her gaze back to Holly.

"I said it's fine." The words sound firm, so very final, but Holly can't just let this drop, not when she's picked up on a substance that she's all too familiar with.

"You're bleeding."

"I'm-"

"-_not fine_, I think we've established as much. I didn't see a weapon on his person." Holly takes a step closer, her brows furrowing on reflection of what happened until the Officer snickers acrimoniously, her uninjured arm extending to pick up the bulldozed sign.

"I think I know what the culprit was." The Officer looks at the metal sign, giving it a stern appraisal before placing it back down on the ground.

"Joys, this'll be fun trying to explain."

"Well I can vouch for you, if that would help? After I see to your injury first, that is." Holly's eyes go to inspect the arm then, feeling the urge to step closer once again but she stalls, sensing that perhaps this would be the wrong thing to do - the Officer wasn't exactly giving off the best of vibes.

"What? It'll be fine; I'll clean it." The Officer shrugs, so Holly takes this moment to ascertain more information about her, her eyes trailing over the uniform to read the embroidered name patch and her Epaulette number.

Why hello, Officer Peck.

8727.

Holly was curious to know whether this sort of behavior was down to her occupation, or due to her ever elusive character. She wouldn't be surprised if it were the latter, for she was definitely different to all the other Officers she engaged with on a regular basis.

She gives Officer Peck a moment to center herself before volunteering some sense.

"It might need stitches."

"Then I'll put a plaster on it."

"Officer-"

"Lady." This strange woman was definitely different. She couldn't quite pin her. Just when she had her sussed, she would do something else entirely. And for an encounter that had only just happened, this woman was oddly intriguing, captivating even.

And Holly wasn't one to be so receptive to these sorts of feelings. This woman had practically demeaned her, and yet she wasn't the tiniest bit affronted.

In-fact it seemed the Officer was immediately taken aback by her own sharpness.

"Okay, that was denigrating. But seriously, I'm fine."

"You do realise that fifty percent of our conversation thus far has included, as well as revolved around the word, 'fine'?"

"What can I say, I like to recycle."

"Let me look at your arm, just to check? I won't do anything after that unless you permit me to." The Officer seems to weigh her proposal, her eyes narrowing to slits until she visibly deflates on the spot.

"_Fine._" Holly waits a moment, not entirely convinced until the Officer looks back at her, clearly exasperated by her hesitancy. She then moves forward to her and accepts the proffered arm. She gingerly moves the split material aside and assesses the damage.

"Looks like it's a flesh wound."

"Told you."

"Well, it's best to be safe than sorry. I've seen instances where people have not been so fortunate, and have had injuries become infected or in some cases experience loss of sensation, which may be due to underlying nerve damage."

"Why are you saying all of these words?"

"Well I-"

"Scratch that. Thanks for the check-up, Nerd." The Officer takes her arm back and straightens her back, her eyes piercing her own with a very concentrated look.

"Nerd? I don't appreciate-"

"Well yeah, all those words and I do have eyes." Holly initially opens her mouth to complain, to remark how vulgar she finds her language to be until she notices the Officer's eyes drop to her front.

Holly takes the time to look down at her shirt, her eyes overlooking the grey material to focus on the cute print where one atom says: "I lost an electron" and the other says "Are you positive?"

Holly's hand instinctively flies up to her face, as if to push back her glasses before she remembers that she's not wearing any. No, not when she has her contacts in and her eyes are trailing the Officer's face, who appears more than a little amused by her response. Instead she allows her fingers to trace through the tresses of her hair.

"Oh." Her lips curl to offer a bashful grin which the Officer accepts readily, granting her with a small smile of her own.

"Gail, we gotta go." Holly takes in the woman before her – this person she can now identify by name – who seems to be torn between staying and going. Holly casts a quick glance to the other Officer, who resides in the car that has just pulled up on the side of the road.

"Well as fun as it's been playing patient to your Doctor, I've got a real job to be doing, so."

"I'm actually a-" She looks on helplessly as Officer Gail Peck steps by her, unable to do anything but watch her stalk away.

"Thanks Doc, I owe you one."

"Doctor Stewart!" Gail stops then, choosing to halt in front of the police car of all places. She smirks at Holly, her eyes filling with mirth at her admission. Clearly she doesn't believe her, and so Holly speaks up once again, standing as tall as she possibly can with a solemn expression.

"Doctor Holly Stewart."

"You're going all out on this role-play, Dr. Stewart."

"I'm a certified Forensic Pathologist." She seems surprised by this declaration, as if only registering Holly's credence for the first time until the Officer behind the wheel honks and distracts Gail from pondering on it further.

She bangs down on the bonnet in response, whether in shock or anger, Holly's not sure. Maybe both?

"Don't be an ass." Definitely both. She watches Gail walk around the car, only to stop at the passenger's door and look back at her.

"And you!" Holly's eyes widen under the focus, working hard to cease the overtime of her beating heart in her chest.

"Looks like your expertise were wasted on today, but at least your patients are the coolest." It takes Holly a moment for the joke to sink in, but when it does she expels a staggered breath from her lips. She merely stares on with intrigue as the Officer casts her grin before climbing into the vehicle.

And for the first time since she arrived, she honestly doesn't mind having work follow her around – if anything, she actually welcomes it.

That's if it comes in the form of one, Ms. Gail Peck.


	9. Holly writes Gail a character reference

**weedyart asked: ****Golly prompt: Without even being asked, Holly writes Gail a character reference for her adoption and slips it in Gail's locker before she leaves. **

It was meant to be a quick job, in and out before anyone could see her. She had even managed to navigate her way through the Police station undetected; her presence a mere fleeting one to many of the uniformed Officers.

And yet the second she finished slotting the envelope into Gail's locker, she knew she had failed.

Failed to do so without her knowing.

Because even though she had managed to avoid the likes of McNally and Epstein, she was unsuccessful in avoiding the one person that matters most. She half expects her to be surprised, to say something about her untimely attendance but instead she's welcomed with:

"Look at you, trying to be sly."

"Gail.."

"You shouldn't be here." She knows. She doesn't have much time until she has to board the plane, but this was something she had to do. This was something she only decided she had to do half an hour ago, even though the letter had already been written days ago.

She had to do it.

"I know."

"What is it anyway?" Gail sidesteps her to reach her locker, her curious digits eager to open the door and snatch the envelope before it falls. Holly doesn't know how to respond, not when this wasn't part of the plan. She was never supposed to be here for this.

She wanted this to be something she didn't have to see, no matter the importance of the deed.

"Bit late for love letters, don't you think?" Gail is nervous, she can tell. She's floundering and rambling, and she only ever gets this way when she's delirious with emotion. She's not the only one though for Holly remains silent, unable to find the appropriate words to speak to her.

She wasn't supposed to be here for this moment.

"What does it say?" Still she says nothing, only daring to look at Gail who resigns to open it, sighing softly under her breath under the weight of silence. She doesn't wait then, doesn't pause. Instead she discards the envelope in her locker and unfolds the sheet of paper. Only one, yet it's everything Holly wanted - needed to say.

"_To whom it may concern._" At the words Gail looks up, frowning to Holly. Bemused by the supposed start, before directing her eyes back down. She musters a breath, trying to compose herself. Holly knows this because she sees it happen, watches with steady eyes and an open heart.

She wasn't supposed to be here but now that she is, she's glad. So very glad.

"_I have known Gail Peck for just short of a year and during this time I have been fortunate enough to engage her in both a personal and working capacity. With this in mind, I can assure you this woman is entirely patient and loving - she would make an excellent parent to Sophie Shand._" She can hear how breathless she has become already, and can see how her eyes now shine. She half expects Gail to abandon this course of illumination, but instead she carries on; determined, resilient, amazing.

"_Since I can remember Gail has been amazing with children. She has on occasion looked after a friend's child – a child that considers Gail to be his aunt – and so Gail understands the importance of kinship and safeguarding, even when there is no bloodline established between them. _

_She takes them under her wing and allows them to flourish, to be exactly who they need to be while providing a safe haven for them. _

_Being a Police Officer, Gail understands the importance of creating a positive and forgiving environment – to secure hazardous substances and to provide a routine that works. But above all else, Gail Peck has heart. She may be known for her reputation at the Force, but as an individual she is one of the most remarkable persons I know. She is my friend. And her kindness knows no bounds, and I would like to advocate this person first and foremost, for I am certain Gail would like to be assessed on these intrinsic grounds and not for her line of employment._

_I understand the circumstances in which they met matters, but the relationship they can continue to build if given the chance with this adoption will be what will bind them together forever. I cannot imagine anyone else who would work and fight so hard for this to happen other than Gail._

_Sophie Shand deserves a guardian that will protect, love and care for her, and I believe Gail Peck can be that person – she has been for so many people already._

_Thank you for your time and I sincerely hope you reach a conclusion that will benefit both Sophie Shand and Gail Peck, respectfully. _

_Holly Stewart._"

The second Gail finishes reading; she lowers the sheet, unable to keep it poised in the air - this air that's neither tense nor easy.

Holly endeavours to understand, to read her beloved's features like an ancient script just waiting to be consumed – to be known. She wants to establish every flicker that occurs in her eyes, those blues; those beautiful spheres that refrain from looking into her own. She wants to reach out, to speak up, and to do something.

But she waits. She waits diligently.

She waits in anticipation.

She waits.

It's all she can do.

It's all she can do to not to trace her fingertips across the planes of her face; those brows furrowing under the spell of feeling.

"You omitted who you are?" It wasn't what she was expecting, not by a long shot.

"Gail, I couldn't put down what we had. It's only logical that I would put myself down as a friend-"

"But you're not a friend; you've never been _just_ a friend." She can see Gail bunching the sheet of paper up in her hand, and watches on startled as she turns away from her to place it carefully in her locker.

She doesn't come back, instead choosing to stay with her back facing Holly as she flattens down the document.

"You've always been more than that, even if it took me a while to realise." As much as these words are welcomed, she can't help but feel dampened by them, especially considering how the character reference was supposed to be about Gail, reverently.

"That's what you're choosing to focus on?" Gail turns around then, but she seems hesitant to make eye contact, preferring instead to peer inside of her locker.

"No. I appreciate this." Holly's gaze lingers on her hand which endeavours to soothe the wrinkled paper, watching as her tips trace meaningfully over every word.

"It's no problem. Like you said, I was trying to be 'sly' and clearly I failed miserably." She observes Gail's movement, noting how her hand has stopped it's administrations in favour resting by her side. She watches as Gail twists to look at her fully – her eyes finally braving the storms to stare at her properly for the first time since she read the letter.

"You really are the most wonderful person I've ever met, Holly." She can't even deny the feeling that ignites in her stomach at hearing her words – words spoken once before and which have haunted her ever since. She knew Gail meant them then, and she knows with all her heart that she means them now.

And she wants nothing more than to smile, to embrace her and feel her in her arms for all eternity.

To press her lips leisurely against hers and to whisper "thank you", but she refrains. She refrains because she wrote that letter for a reason, and this was not it. This was not about her or them. This was about Gail. This was about Gail wanting to adopt this girl and to be a family.

And so she offers a trained smile, while remaining perfectly still.

She could do this, she _will _do this.

"I don't think anyone else will ever see me like you do." She works to keep the smile on her face even though she can feel her heart throb.

Physically. Literally. Entirely, it aches.

Because Gail says this with such conviction, with absolution and she has no idea. She has none. This woman is life. This woman is everything to her. And she's more afraid of Gail believing this to be true for the rest of her life than of the possibility that one day someone will get to see her in the way she got to.

For Gail deserves to know that she can and will be seen in this way - to be respected and loved and cherished.

And her heart aches for the person who will get to; because it won't be her, but she knows that it will be for the best – it will be for Gail, and that's what matters.

At the thought Holly can't help but feel better, content somehow, for she knows that right now there is someone who sees Gail like she does.

"Sophie does." She can see the small smile of gratitude that Gail offers her before closing the locker.

"It's not the same."

She knows it's not and so she remains quiet, allowing Gail to breathe and to feel everything that this letter has done to her.

With a tepid smile and conscious limbs, Gail steps towards her.

"When do you leave?" She's pretty sure that Gail knows - that she's merely playing the oblivious card to seem like she's not actually splintering at the seams and so she grants her this.

She will grant whatever she can for this woman.

"Four hours."

"Then let's go."

"Gail, we agreed-"

"I know; but I don't care. We're gonna hang out until it's time and I'm gonna take you to the airport, and we'll say goodbye properly."

The truth is she's not sure whether that is possible. To say goodbye to someone you love, and who you know is in love with you too. To just disconnect by offering contact and a few words – it's just not possible. If it were they would have been successful by now. It if were, then the first time they broke up, she would never have thought about Gail again. Or returned. Or be in this predicament right now.

Because she can say goodbye in a million ways and have the rest of her life dedicated to this single act alone, and still not get it right.

She will still love this woman.

She will still be unable to sever the ties completely.

But she will keep this knowledge to herself, instead choosing to say:

"I don't think there'll ever be enough time to say goodbye to you, Gail."

And Gail, oh Gail. She removes the distance between them, which will be so much more in only four hours' time. But right now she destroys it; eliminates this gap that need not be here presently to maximise on the time they do have.

On the contact which they both take solace in.

She watches as Gail moves into her proximity, her world and governs it. And she's pretty sure that she will long after she leaves for San Francisco.

Holly receives her wholly, and closes her eyes the moment Gail leans in to peck her lips. It's soft and tastes like love. She breathes this woman in, and it tastes like life and everything she has ever longed for.

She wants nothing more than to do this over and over again for the rest of her existence.

But instead she draws back, breathes her own air and opens her eyes.

There she is met by blue spheres, looking earnestly at her:

"Then let's say hello while we still can."


	10. Holly takes Gail to a gaybar - part 1

**Anonymous asked: Prompt: Gail and Holly are just friends. Gail is sick of the sight of men, so Holly takes Gail to a gaybar where someone asks Gail to dance and then later, to go home with them.**

"I can't keep doing this, Holly.."

She looks up from the work on her desk, startled by the Officer lingering in her doorway. She didn't expect to see her here today, and so she swiftly examines her body, looking for obvious reasons as to why. She soon determines that this visit must not be work related – even though she's clearly on duty, what with her uniform and all.

Gail continues to hover, neither deciding to enter or leave as she trails her fingers up and down the door-frame. It's only then that Holly comprehends her words and responds, a certain melancholy coming over that she can't quite explain.

"Doing what?"

"Going on dates my dear mother insists on setting up for me. They're weird, Holly. And not in an us kind of weird."

"Oh." She exclaims, looking back down to her paperwork. Why did the word us make her feel something in her stomach?

"Mm." She hears Gail tap on the frame one last time before deciding to walk into the room and on over to her.

"Well, I'm not sure how I can help you out considering I'm not much the expert on dating guys." She arranges a few pages, her eyes scanning over the important documents that need to be filed and the ones that need to be reviewed.

That is until Gail places a bag down over them.

Had this been anybody else she would have seethed, maybe even made a menacing retort. But instead she looks up and watches Gail dither back on her heels, clasping her arms behind her back.

"Thought you'd skip lunch, so.." She can't help the smile that emerges on her lips then, feeling completely struck by her friend's kindness. It's not that she wasn't aware Gail could be so thoughtful; it's just that she never imagined she would be with her.

See, since knowing Gail – which has been for just over a month now – she's been privy to these moments that Gail would otherwise not share with other people. And so she's thankful. Thankful that Gail feels she can be open with her in this way when so many others don't dare believe it possible.

"Gail."

"It's no big deal; I was on my lunch break, anyway. I should be heading back." And just like that Gail is turning around and stalking out of the room, but she won't let her go so soon – not when she's only just got here.

"We should go out tonight." The request stops her, and it must intrigue her because she's slowly turning around and appraising Holly with her wide blue spheres.

"We should?" She's not sure whether she's posing it as a question or a statement, and so with this in mind Holly quickly reins in her thoughts and stands up.

"Yes. Let's go to a bar."

"A bar?"

"A gay bar!"

"Holly.. Do you know what you're saying right now?" Does she? She's not sure. She's half way to rambling her socks off, but she moves around the desk to perch on the other side.

"Yes. You said it yourself; you're tired of dating guys. What better way to forget about men than to go out, dance, get drunk and be appreciated aesthetically by women all night long?"

"Have you even been to a gay bar?"

"I've been to a gay pub… Well, it supported the LGBT society." Gail leans against the doorway, her eyes penetrating Holly's form. Scrutinizing her at will.

And she caves.

"It had a flag over the bar." She hears the gentle exhale that leaves Gail's mouth, one mingled with mirth, and it makes her smile. After a beat of looking at each other, Gail straightens up and nods just the once.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, okay. Let's go to a gay bar tonight. I'm curious to see where your kind go for a good time."

"We're gay, Gail, not nuns."

"Potato potato." It's then that Gail's radio goes off, alerting them that they can no longer facilitate this conversation. Gail listens and then responds accordingly, her eyes quickly darting to Holly once she's finished.

"Let me know what time you're off."

"Will do, Officer." She's already gone by the time she responds but she speaks the words anyway, trying to convince herself that this is actually happening. That she actually created plans to go to a gay bar with Gail. What inspired her, she has no idea. But it could be fun?

No, it will be fun, for she's quickly realising that any place with Gail is fun.

And so with that thought in mind, and a smile to accompany her anticipation for tonight, she heads back to sit back down, her hands subconsciously reaching to grab the bag deposited on her desk. She opens the bag to see a Veggie Delite sandwich and a bottle of water.

And for the rest of the day she relishes in the fact that Gail knows her well enough to get her order right.

—+—

They meet at the bar.

And it's not what either of them was expecting.

She had gone online once she got home, intent on finding a gay bar that would be relatively close; not too expensive - and just well, a good place to be at for the both of them. Her Google search had originally come up with a place called 'Beaver Café', which she instantly scrolled by, not one for the euphemism or premise, considering her focus was on looking for a bar.

She quickly narrowed down her search and chose one that seemed like what both of them would enjoy – at least that's what she discerned from the ratings and reviews. With the shake of the head and being half an hour invested, she decided it's enough and that it will be their source of entertainment tonight.

They had exchanged texts over the course of the day, relaying shift times and silly quips that passed the time. And Holly really thought that with this bar she got it right.

She was so wrong.

"So this is the place you wanted to take me to, eh?" There is a short line of people outside of the premise, and the general age consensus is late teens to early 20's. Gail snickers as she joins the queue, her eyes looking ahead at the people.

"I really don't understand this; the reviews explicitly said there were various age groups frequenting this bar." They move along in the line, and for the first time in a very long time, Holly feels daft. So blooming daft.

She's drawn from her internal scolding when she is forced to move once again.

"Well I don't mind. You might feel like cradle-snatcher, though."

"Hey, I'm not that old."

"Whatever you say, Grandma."

"Really, Gail? Gross. We should just go, I can try and find us another-" Gail stops her then, making her put her phone back into her purse.

"We're already here; let's just have fun, okay?" Gail looks away then, her eyes refusing to look back at Holly who is only just taking in her friend's leaden demeanor.

"You really don't want to go on those dates, do you?" They shift forward again, trying to keep warm in the night air as Holly assesses Gail. She looks.. sad.

"Did your mom set you up with another guy?" Gail exhales profoundly as she glares at Holly, trying to coerce her to drop it. It's a futile action, for Holly merely tilts her head and waits for her to respond.

"She would if she could get through to me."

"Ah, on ignore mode?"

"Yep."

"Well, let's see about making tonight a good one, okay?"

—+—

And the night turns out to be rather fun, filled with plentiful shots and their own brand of dance improvisation that makes them double over with laughter. It really was shaping out to be a good night.

Until Gail started getting some attention.

And by some attention, she means a lot.

The glances were to be expected, she knew that. Even the drink offers and little chitchats. But what Holly didn't expect was this one woman to insistently be everywhere they went, and to continuously intercept Holly at every turn.

And so this is how she finds herself now, standing at the table with Gail having just finished a round of dancing, and having this woman once again hit on Gail.

She's not sure why it bothers her so much. This is, afterall, what she wanted to achieve for her friend, wasn't it? To go out, consume alcohol, dance with reckless abandon and have others appreciate her presence here tonight.

Except something was amiss, something wasn't sitting quite right with her. No.

And it's not until the woman walks away and Gail turns back to her that she slowly begins to realise why that is.

"She's getting us drinks."

"What?"

"The brunette." Gail replies, tipping her head to the side at the woman that has gone to the bar. This woman who is closer to Gail's age than she is. This woman who has curvy hips and gorgeous green eyes. This woman who was looking back at them – well, back at Gail, who wasn't even aware of this because she was too busy looking at her.

"You mean you."

"What?"

"She's getting you a drink." It comes out quite firm and it causes Holly to frown, trying to understand why she used that tone with her. Gail must be wondering the exact same thing, for she's grimacing at her the second she dares look into her friend's eyes.

"No. She's getting drinks for us: I specified that I wouldn't dance with her unless she got you a drink too." She half laughs, half exhales as she peers at her friend, for she's not sure whether to be grateful or damn right exasperated at her response. The former would be preferable, but for some unknown reason the latter is what takes hold.

"Great, a pity drink for Holly." She mumbles under her breath, looking away from Gail.

"Holly-"

"Hey sweetness, you ready for that dance now?" The woman returns, pushing the drink on over to Holly without much regard before handing over the other drink to Gail, who she maintains eye contact with as she does so.

Gail's eyes divert to Holly's briefly before looking back to this woman.

"Uh, sure." The woman must sense some unfinished business, and so runs her fingers suggestively over Gail's hand that's holding the beverage.

"I'll be on the floor." The woman then moves into the crowd, her head turning back to look at Gail momentarily before disappearing. Holly can see the confusion etched on her friend's face as she looks at her.

And her heart drops for some reason when she asks:

"This is okay, right?"

She wants to say no. She doesn't know why, but she wants to say no.

Yet she refrains. Her mouth tightens into a line on her face, and Gail remains standing next to her. The music doesn't matter. The people don't matter. None of it matters but this person standing right here.

And she wants so badly to say no, that instead she says:

"Yes. Go have fun, Gail. This is what tonight's about." She doesn't move, and for a moment she wonders whether this hesitation – this brief moment they are having – is Gail's way of letting her know that she feels it too. That there seems to be an undercurrent between them that she can't quite identify.

But with the blink of an eye, Gail is moving away.

"I'll be back soon, Lunchbox."

For the first time, that nickname hurt.

—+—

She finds herself sitting at a table near the corner of the room, trying to understand what she's feeling. The drink that was bought for her weights in her hand, as if pulling her down, and for this reason she finally lowers it to the table.

She hasn't had a drop.

Maybe she's had too much alcohol already? Maybe she needs to just go home? Maybe..

"Hol." Her eyes dart up, unprepared for the call as she sees Gail move towards her. She wasn't expecting to see her friend so soon.

"Finished already?" She drops down into the vacant seat next to her, watching as Gail shoves the foot infringing over into her space from the adjoining seat. The girl lowers her leg and shoots Gail a look before attaching her lips back to the girl she was making out with.

"Not quite."

"Oh?"

"She's gone to the restroom."

"Okay." She watches Gail lean over to grab the desolate looking drink from the table in front of her, finding peace in beholding Gail in this light.

"And she intends on taking me home once she gets back." At this her eyes widen, taking in the appearance of her otherwise calm friend who is playing with the straw in her drink before taking a sip.

She's speechless.

"You shouldn't let this go to waste, it's a double." She still doesn't know what to say when Gail casts her eyes on her, until the only question that matters exits her mouth involuntarily.

"Are you– are you going to?" Gail merely shrugs at her question, stabbing the melting ice cubes at the bottom of the glass with the straw.

"Could be an experience." She takes another swig of the alcohol, and Holly is about ready to explode.

"Is that all we are to you? Just an experiment?" She's not sure why she's feeling so affronted by Gail's words, at least she's consciously choosing not to know why. And although she can't hear her friend sigh, she can see the way her body sags with the exertion as she places the drink down onto the table.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"What?"

"You've been acting weird all night."

"No I haven't." She knew she should have waited, but the words had already left her mouth before her thoughts could stop her. And she knows that Gail is onto her. She knows because she's giving her that look. That look that.. that…

"Holly, I know you by now to know that you're being weird and not in an us weird." Her body shifts, turning sharply to look at Gail who is taken aback by the abrupt movement, but she continues anyway, adamant to have her say.

"See, that's what I don't get! What does this 'us weird' even mean?" Although Gail is looking her way she can see that she's not quite looking at her, and it bothers her. She just wants Gail to be honest with her like she usually is.

"You know." It's the shrug. It's the deadpan expression. It's the way she doesn't seem to care that provokes Holly to flail for her purse and stand up.

"Right."

"Where are you going?" She doesn't look back as she squeezes by Gail and walks away, trying not to collide with the numerous bopping bodies as she goes. She suddenly feels ridiculous, foolish for having not suspected before now, because it's so overwhelmingly clear why she's reacting this way.

"Holly! God, would you just.. What is going on?" She feels her pulse run throughout her body, throbbing in areas she never thought would when concerning her friend. And yet as she stops and twists back around to see her standing there, she can't quite believe it took this long to realise.

And like before: The music doesn't matter. The people don't matter. None of it matters but this person standing right here, and she decides to capitalize on that. She decides to finally do something that her body has been all too aware of but has only just enlightened her brain about.

And now that she knows, she's throwing caution to the wind for this second. Just this one, small second, where she is leaning in and pressing her lips rashly against the blonde's because nothing else matters.

The second their lips meet, she can't quite believe she didn't figure it out before. It's like an epiphany, and she grants herself this one respite before pulling away and facing up to the consequences.

She forces her eyes open, even though she wants nothing more than to remain in the dark where she can recount their kiss over and over again. But she doesn't, she won't. Not here, not now. And so she looks at Gail, whose eyes are quick to locate hers under the florescent lights.

She stares.

And she's sure those eyes will uncover her truths before she's even had the time to grabble with them herself.

"That.. is what is going on." She waits for a response then, for some form of activity to fleet across her friend's face. But she finds nothing. Nothing at all. Instead she's lost in her own world, appraising her, and she can't quite bring herself to hang around and watch her reject her.

And so Holly turns around, only to have Gail reach out and grab her hand.

"I can't keep doing this, Holly.." It's eerie how similar those words seem, and it takes her a moment to realise that she had infact heard them before – earlier, that day. It prompts her to turn back around, noting how Gail let's go only to re-establish her contact a second later, her hand taut but present.

She wants to ask her what she meant by those words, for she was certain of what they meant before.. Except now, now she's not. Now they're shrouded in mystery, and only Gail can explain them.

"I can't keep pretending that I don't think about you like this." She tries to swallow but struggles to even execute that action for Gail's eyes are so inviting and her mouth is so dry and..

"Like what?"

"Hot, in front of me.. wanting me." She feels Gail squeeze her hand then and it's all she needs.

It's all she needs to close the gap between them and kiss her once more.


	11. Holly takes Gail to a gaybar - part 2

**Anonymous asked: ****can you please write a second part to the story which Gail tells Holly she can't keeping doing this? Pleaaaaaase! Thank you! **

It's only when the cool air hits her face that Holly grasps the magnitude of what she's done - that she has in-fact kissed her straight friend; on the lips, multiple times.

She's pretty sure she felt her up too, now that she's thinking about it.

The thought alone is enough to make her freeze as the panic sears through her body unceremoniously; a myriad of emotions working to disable the remnant of lust spreading throughout her system. But she doesn't have time to dwell on this matter, not when Gail is exiting the premise and slipping her hand readily into her own.

And just like that she knows that things are different, that they have changed.

She wants to ask what this means for them now. She wants to know how long Gail has envisioned her in this way; whether she's perceived as some sort of experiment like she mentioned before..

"Stop thinking so much, Lunchbox."

The flinch does not go unnoticed by Gail, who swiftly drops her hand in favour of stepping in front of her on the sidewalk.

"Hol?" She's not entirely sure why the nickname unnerves her; biting into her heart like a thorn, except it does. Maybe because it just goes to show that all of this really is meaningless, a mere joke..

"Holly?"

"I'm sorry, I just- I need to stop."

"Stop what?"

"My thoughts." She watches Gail reach out then as she delves her fingertips through her tresses before sinking them mellifluously into her left temple. It's so incredibly tender, and Holly can't help but be hypnotised by the gesture – her eyes observing Gail who's looking ardently at her, intent in her ministrations.

"Probably." She gently massages the spot about a dozen times before dropping her hand altogether. The loss of contact makes Holly exhale softly, her bottom lip protruding in protest.

Until Gail starts to speak, and all she can focus on is her words.

"I've had thoughts in passing, but I've never.." She can see the way Gail's lips flatten to form a stern line, one full of trouble and feeling. It makes Holly want to kiss her again, to remove it - to eradicate the perpetual frown working it's way into her features.

"What?"

"This is so much more. I'm feeling things I've never had to consider before." Holly can witness the fear in her eyes, even though she's trying hard not to let it show. It's minute, and with the blink of an eye, Gail has it under control. Except Holly knows that it happened and that it still exists, regardless of whether Gail decides to let it be known or not.

She goes to respond, but finds herself stumped by Gail's abrupt suggestion:

"Let's get out of here." She wasn't expecting Gail to be so forthright, to suddenly let go of her trepidations in favour of something she knows will only cause turmoil down the line. It's why when Gail tugs on her hand she pulls her extremity away, refusing to comply with her.

Her previous thoughts dull in order to embrace her friend's concerns, because what matters right now is being here for Gail. What happened between them tonight; what _she_ may even mean to Gail - that can wait.

What Gail needs right now is a friend to help her understand the rest of it - not someone who is looking to take advantage of her when she's confused.

"I don't think that's wise, Gail." She wraps her arms around her midsection, and peers at Gail, watching as her friend reacts in disbelief.

"To _talk. _Geez Holly, I can keep it in my pants, you know." Her eyes rack over Gail's body, taking in her attire before she looks away, mumbling:

"Says the woman in a dress."

"Says the Pathologist that jumped my bones _numerous_ times tonight." Holly's eyes dart back to Gail then, her mouth opening to expel the words on the edge of her tongue.

"Didn't look like-"

"Okay, let's just go somewhere neutral and talk."

She's grateful for the little respite, the usual banter that they are accustomed to – it goes to serve how even during heights of tension, they still know how to work. They still _do_ work. It's a connection Holly's never really had before, at least like this one. It's startling and amazing and everything she's ever wanted yet never believed was possible.

It's also why she's doesn't particularly want to talk about them, at least right now. And judging by the way Gail is looking at her, that's probably what she will want to do.

The thing is; she can be a friend. She can listen and provide whatever support Gail will need during this difficult time, whether it's an ear or a bottle of Tequila. But to actually converse and speak of what's happened?

There's no denying the fact that she's terrified.

She's grown quite fond of this woman, and to be honest this could go in so many directions. She's afraid that even broaching the subject of their encounter will change what they've only just recently established - and she's not ready to lose that, not if she can help it.

"You want to?"

"What?"

"Talk?" She can tell that Gail is flabbergasted by her words because she's giving her that look, the one that tells her she's being silly and weird – and not in 'an us kind of weird'. It's so odd being able to detect all of that from just one look, but as Holly continues to stare at Gail, she knows that's what's happening right now.

"I was the one who suggested it, Hol."

"I'm just saying.. This moment right here? It can be an out; if that's what you choose."

The silence she is met with only fuels her, and she finds herself determined to carry on with this train of thought; to force Gail to contemplate the credence of her proposal.

Clearly it weighs heavy on her shoulders for Gail's eyes differ to the ground, seeming lost in her own world as she absorbs Holly's words. Holly takes a step towards her, bridging the gap between them if only to follow through with what's already been done.

"We can forget about what happened."

Except the second Gail lifts her head and looks at her, she realises they can't. She realises that by being this close to her, she can't help but look at her mouth and experience the way Gail inhales a generous amount of air through her parted lips.

How she has never fixated on these lips she'll never know, because right now they're the most beautiful set she's ever laid eyes on. And she wants nothing more than to lean forward and to dip her head just a little..

"Holly, did you not listen to a word I've said? Look, if this is freaking you out-"

"No, no it's not." Holly pulls back, her eyes flitting to Gail's as she tries to steady herself.

She feels like an exposed root in the earth, sensitive to everything. She may stand tall, and she may know who she is but she is terribly vulnerable to environment – specifically to this person right here. And she realises that with one look, she can buckle any second; she could fall if enough pressure is applied.

And she's not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing.

With a great exhale, Holly admits defeat. She can't lie to Gail, and there's no point in trying.

"Okay, a little bit. Kinda sprung up on me there."

"Mm."

"I don't regret it though; I don't regret kissing you." She can see the relief; can even feel it if she concentrates hard enough because she knows that they're in this together. The exchange they share is one full of affection and contentment at acknowledging that neither wants to take it back – that this pleasure is riffling through them both.

For the first time since it happened, Holly doesn't feel so troubled.

"Which time?" The smirk on Gail's face helps to relax her even more, and she can't help but wonder how she possibly ended up getting to know someone so special.

Her days have been infinitely better since knowing her.

"It's easy with you, why is that?"

"'Cause I'm awesome."

"Right." She watches Gail move to her, her eyes roaming over her body before locking in a charged gaze. It's enough to send ripples of desire down her spine once again.

Suddenly she understands why Gail couldn't handle this anymore, because seeing her like this, in front of her…

"If we don't go somewhere and talk, I might just kiss you again." It's a warning - one that's not to be taken lightly in her delirious state, for she can't remove her eyes from Gail's lips. It would be so easy to kiss her right now, to take that tongue that's swiping over her bottom lip and meld it zealously with her own.

"I won't be opposed to it, except.." Her eyes reluctantly rise to glance at Gail, trying to work out what she's trying to say.

"Except I don't see why you get to have all the fun."

"What do you mean?" She barely gets the words out of her mouth before Gail silences her with a kiss, one that takes her by surprise and which she welcomes unreservedly. She receives each stroke, taking delight in how she presses her lips softly, almost tentatively against hers until they begin to move with purpose.

And she eagerly abides.

No longer is Gail capturing her lips with gentle throes but trailing her teeth leisurely across her jaw and grasping at her sides with pent-up frustrations - aggravations she can identify with for the texture her hands impact is doing nothing for her in her current state of arousal. She wants more, wants to seek more.

But she knows, she knows.

She knows it can't happen. It shouldn't.

Yet that doesn't stop Gail from nipping at her neck, once, twice..

"Gail.." She hears Gail make a disgruntled noise in her throat as she jerks back. And Holly really can't help it. She really can't. Not when Gail is looking at her like this. Not when she's licking her lips in the way she does. Not when..

"Right, talking.. We should… Talk." She nods in approval, yet she doesn't move. Her eyes continue to look at her mouth, fascinated with how swollen they've become.

"Just.. Need to do some talking of my own first." She can hardly recognise her voice that has notably dropped a few octaves lower as she leans forward, this time determined to take charge.

But there's this moment - this split second, ineffable slither of time where her eyes catch the sight of Gail smiling. Genuinely smiling with such freedom she finds herself wishing that she never closed her eyes at all, that she never ceased the distance between them to claim her lips with her own – for she wanted to glimpse this vision for just a little while longer.

What she doesn't realise as she loses herself in this nirvana, is that it will still be there waiting for her when she returns.


End file.
